“Sorry I’m late, boss, I stayed up way too late watching Kim Kardashian’s Instagram live video on how to use her contour kit. And then I was doing Google research to see if Wilford Brimley is alive.”
(He is.)
-Bev
Browsing Category
Kimmy K
Guys, today is a special day in the life of Beverly Goldenstein. Today marks the anniversary of two very special people in my life. The ones who gave me life. Like, without them, there would be no me. If it weren’t for their daily sacrifices and struggles, I could never live the life I do. Without their tremendous impact in my life, I might literally be selling crack on the streets or not matching my purses to my shoes.
Happy anniversary, Kim and Kanye!
(Now, go back and read all that bullshit with singular nouns… #KimForLife)
And, Kanye… see 1:08 mark.
YouTube credit: FNAWarwick
-Bev
Kim, they told me,
Pa-rum-pum-pum-pum,
A big-ass ring to see,
Pa-rum-pum-pum-pum,
Kanye’s best gift to you,
Pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
What did you think I’d do?
Pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
Take it and run,
Take it and run,
Take it and run.
-Beverly Goldenstein
YouTube credit: Spotlight – Rockford Marketing
Oh Kim, don’t be faithful
Leave his ass while you can
Oh KimYe, Oh KimYe, just throw in the towel.
Kim, rise above him,
Born the King of Assholes;
O Kim, will you please leave him,
O Kim, will you please leave him,
O Kim, will you please leave him,
He brings you down.
-Beverly Goldenstein
YouTube Credit: gracehome251
It’s beginning to look like Rob ate Kylie-
Wouldn’t bother me!
Get rid of that little ho, she and her lip kits can go,
Her fake lips and boobs cause me much sorrow.
It’s beginning to look like Rob ate Kylie,
Who would even care?
That little punk Tyga would know, ‘cuz he’d be missing her dough,
Doesn’t have his own!
Wouldn’t bother me!
Get rid of that little ho, she and her lip kits can go,
Her fake lips and boobs cause me much sorrow.
It’s beginning to look like Rob ate Kylie,
Who would even care?
That little punk Tyga would know, ‘cuz he’d be missing her dough,
Doesn’t have his own!
Apologies on the video not being easily available. I can’t keep my eyes open as I write this… you’ll have to have two tabs open, cronies.
Listen to video here.
Go tell it on the mountain,
Over the hills and everywhere,
Go tell it on the mountain,
That Bruce Jenner’s a girl.
While Kris J kept her watching
O’er daughters in the press
Back home in the closet,
Bruce is wearing a dress.
Go tell it on the mountain,
Over the hills and everywhere,
Go tell it on the mountain,
That Bruce Jenner’s a girl.
-Beverly Goldenstein
YouTube Credit: gracehome251
Deck the balls like it’s still Reggie,
Fa la la la la la la la!
Someone give Kanye a wedgie,
Fa la la la la la la la!
Take the kids and run up outta there,
Fa la la la la la la la!
You know Reggie misses the derriere,
Fa la la la la la la la!
-Beverly Goldenstein
YouTube credit: KON
Oh Kris Jenner, Oh Kris Jenner,
Whoring kids out since ’07!
Oh Kris Jenner, Oh Kris Jenner,
You have no place in Heaven!
Money-hungry barracuda1,
Watch your daughters pose nude-a!
Oh Kris Jenner, Oh Kris Jenner,
How do you sleep at night?
YouTube credit: Sinisa Vuksan
1MamaG gets all the credit for that term.
They came upon Kim’s sex tape,
That glorious footage of old,
Of Ray-J bending Kim over,
To touch her heart of gold.
“Peace on the earth, good will to Kris,
There was no R.Kelly piss.”
The world has never been the same
Since Kim and Ray-J came.
-Beverly Goldenstein
YouTube credit: gracehom251
You know Kimmy and Kourtney and Mason and Northie
Don’t get me started on Kendall and Kylie.
But do you recall
The most real Kardashian of all?
Khloe, the drunkest Kardash
Also has a big, fat ass.
And if you ever saw it,
You’d appreciate its mass.
All of the other sisters
Used to laugh and call her names
They didn’t think poor Khloe
Deserved the money or the fame.
Then one foggy L.A. night,
Lamar came to say,
“Khloe with your ass so fat
Won’t you be my wife with ‘dat?”
Then how the sisters loved her
As they shouted out with glee,
Lamar, the sex-fueled cokehead,
He’ll earn us a front-page spread!
-Beverly Goldenstein
YouTube credit: Geethanjali Kids – Rhymes and Stories