Bevvy G

OK, guys, Uncle Bart and Aunt Sue are on another international adventure- this time to Thailand, Vietnam, and Cambodia. For those of you have have been around for a while, you know what this means. If you’re new here, here’s what it means: Uncle Bart spends at least 45% of the time he spends on vacations taking pictures of Aunt Sue. Some are posed, some are not, sometimes she knows he’s taking them, sometimes she doesn’t. There’s often a beer involved. It might not be funny to you, but it is one of my favorite things, and I just love bringing the #SpotSue series to you!

Therefore, without further ado… #SpotSue.

Unfortunately, this trip started out with some travel hiccups in Chicago, but at least we got some good footage of Sue drinking, amIrite?

Who’s excited for next Saturday NOW?

-Bev

There was a time in my life when I thought Adam Levine and Adam Lambert were the same person. Then, last night, I had to Google whether Adam Levine was in Maroon 5 (I know) and there was a little window where I thought maybe he was dating Gwen Stefani. But I think he’s just on a show with Gwen Stefani’s boyfriend, who I think is Blake Shelton. And I sometimes think Blake Shelton is Luke Bryan (I supposedly saw Luke Bryan’s pickup in a studio parking lot in Nashville this summer, but I told everyone it was Blake Shelton’s)… but it always turns out that I don’t know who Luke Bryan is.

Basically, who in the world is Adam Levine?

And, while we’re at it, where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

– Bev

Tom Brady eats pizza with a fork.

Oh, wait, Tom Brady doesn’t even eat tomatoes (his chef says they cause inflammation), let alone pizza.

In that case…

Tom Brady pees sitting down.

-Bev

I consider myself to be either an extroverted introvert or an introverted extrovert. Many people are surprised by this, as I generally have a lot of social plans, I spend a lot of time with people, I can be loud and obnoxious, etc. Therefore, people assume I am 100% extrovert. And I probably mostly am, but I gotta tell ya what- if I get overloaded with people time, I will do just about anything to get some time alone on my couch. Sometimes this means just saying, “No,” when people ask me to do something social. Sometimes it means cancelling plans or gym classes. Sometimes it means returning to MyCity a day or two early on a long vacation. And sometimes (like, often) it means lying.

Through. My. Teeth. (which I am not good at)

I was just invited to an Oscars party and, without even looking at my calendar, I told the hostess that I had friends in town that weekend and wouldn’t be able to make it.

Then I put a reminder in my phone not to post anything on social media that would reveal to the hostess that I lied to her.

Extroverted introvert, introverted extrovert, or asshole?

-Bev

Picture it: Sunday morning, and Bev is putzing around her apartment, getting ready to head to a coffee shop to do some Bevvin’ (aka, actually write some posts). My phone starts ringing, which is odd in the first place. (#TextMeMan) Then I see that, not only is my phone, ringing, but it’s my drunkle, Newt, calling. Now, I’m pretty sure that Newt has literally never called me and my curiosity forced me to answer the call. He quickly hung up and I assumed the call was accidental. 

Until he called back about forty one seconds later. I picked up again. Following conversation ensues.

“Hello?”
“Hello?!?!?”
“Hello?”
short pause
“Bev?”
“Yes.”
“Well, how are ya?”
“I’m good… how are you?”
“Well, I’m hungover and I have no idea how I called you.”
“Oh, OK.”
“I’m glad I did, though- it’s good to talk to ya!”
“Yeah, me too!”
“Yeah, Judy and I went out to eat last night at our favorite restaurant last night and they were handing me Remy Martins after dinner.”
“Oh, Jesus.”
“Yeah, so now I’m peein’ and I guess I called you.”
“Oh, Jesus.”
“Yep, I’m gettin’ ready to get into my jacuzzi tub here and Judy’s gonna bring me my coffee. You wanna say hi to her?”
“Sure.”

*muffled background conversation*
“You wanna say hi to Bev? I guess I called her.”
(very surprised/confused voice) “Who?”
“Bev.”
“Oh! OK!”

“Hi, sweetie!”
“Hi, Aunt Judy.”
“Newt accidentally called ya, huh?”
“Sure did.”
“Yeah, he’s gettin’ ready to get in the tub.”
“Oh, yeah, I’ve got a helluva visual here.”
“Yeah, and he can’t walk without shoes [literally not sure what she means by this], so he’s got on his white sneakers.”
“Oh boy.”
“Yeah, we better go, I’ve got his coffee here.”
“Yeah, sounds good. Talk to you guys later.”

So, I’m pretty sure my nude drunk uncle butt-dialed me this morning.

I don’t know either.

-Bev

P.S.- if you want some more background on Uncle Newt, you might remember this post where good ol’ Newt solved all our family problems by placing a banana on the floor where there was a wrinkle in a rug that was making everyone trip. Again, I don’t know either.

P.P.S.- I’m not at the dog coffee shop. I’m at a much better one. Not only do they have almond flavoring for lattes, they have sugar-free almond flavoring for lattes, but…

Have you ever left town for two weeks and come home to a six-pack of LaCroix and a handful of Coors Lights exploded in your car due to the freezing temps?

Just wondering…

-Beverly Windows-Down Goldenstein

Well, happy new year, my dear readers.

I think it’s 2019, but Smoke is over here trying to burn MamaG’s albums from the 60s onto CDs from the 90s and I don’t even know what’s happening.

I think it’s worth noting that he got the 60s album onto the 90s CD but the audio must be in 2020 because there’s content on the discs but no sound.

Goldensteins are killin’ 2019.

-Bev

This is a public service announcement:

Just say happy new year, not happy new years. Unless you’d like to wish your friend a happy day (New Year’s Eve, often shortened to “New Year’s”) instead of an actual happy YEAR.

Oh, and while I’m at it, it’s I couldn’t care less, not I could care less. If you say you could care less, that means you care at least just a little bit.

*steps off soapbox. there’s no champagne up here.*

-Bev

I’m hanging out here in Mayberry with the fam and it’s been non-stop holiday events so far.

I did just want to pop in to update you on a few things…

Smoke, MamaG, and I were on a short road trip today to attend a doctor appointment for Smoke.

It was an eventful trip where MamaG learned how to use Siri to set reminders in her phone today (that was a solid twenty minutes of the trip), how to turn on her battery percentage alert (another five minutes) and in Macy’s, Smoke had us digging in the armpit of his new shirt looking for the tag.

Fun times being had on the farm, y’all! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I haven’t had any carbs or cookies in at least twenty minutes and I can feel my blood sugar returning to an almost normal (non-dangerous) level.

-Bev

Merry Christmas to all!

Except those who say Chipolte.

THE T IS BEFORE THE L, PEOPLE.

-Bev