Bevvy G

On this Armistice Day, I’d like to take the time to thank our veterans.

In fact, let’s just take a hot second to show our gratitude for vets AND all of our civil servants- police officers, firefighters, teachers, social workers, doctors, nurses, etc.

I mean, all of those jobs sound like they would totally suck. So, thanks to those of you who do them.

-Bevvy G

You know what? Thursday night, I sat down with dinner and a glass of wine, and logged in to this here viral website to do some work. I turned on the ol’ boob tube for some background noise and quickly found an old favorite, The Shawshank Redemption. I nearly know the movie by heart, so I don’t need to pay much attention when it’s on, and it was perfect “background noise” for doin’ some work on Bev.

And you know what? I’m thankful for that movie. I’m thankful for Andy Dufresne and Red and Brooks (oh, Brooks) and crazy ol’ Tommy and creepy Elmo. (Google for some of these lesser known characters- you’ll recognize them immediately)

I’m also thankful to Andy for introducing me to Zihuatanejo. I’ve never been, but (because of Andy D) I’d love to visit. But really? To me, Zihuatanejo isn’t a place. Zihuatanejo is an idea. And I reckon I need to get my big butt down to Mexico soon.

I mean, just watch these scenes, man.

Oh, Zihuatanejo.

-Bev

I’m thankful for the lady in the car next to me at the grocery store last night.

She smiled a real, genuine smile at me as we were backing up from our parking spaces and I gotta tell ya, guys, smiles are free and #WorthIt.

Smile at someone today, you fools.

-Bev

I’m thankful that a hanger and I won this fight with a moth in my bedroom.

I mean, the moth flew away (in actuality, it probably stayed and haunted me for days after this) and I smacked myself in the face with a plastic hanger.

But I won in the fact that I lived, I guess? 

-Bev

I’m thankful that I don’t have nose cancer.

I’m less thankful that I went in [hungover] for an appointment to check on what we’ll call chronic irritation in my left nostril, had to have a “punch biopsy” in my nostril (there was a needle in my nose to numb it. Then there was a chunk of the skin inside my nose removed. Real life.), left the office with a tampon shoved in one nostril, and then received the diagnosis of chronic irritation, but, hey- we’re not here for what I’m not thankful for.

So, yeah, I’m thankful I don’t have nose cancer. Yet.

-Bev

P.S.- Didn’t think I was gonna get this one done today, did ya? BOOM.

I’m so, so, SO thankful that today is Election Day. And not because I live in a free country where I’m allowed to vote (though I’m also thankful for that). I’m mostly thankful that (all of you and) I will stop receiving unwanted calls, texts, emails, letters, carrier pigeons, and Morse Code messages telling me to vote for this twat or that twat.

Cheers, AmIRight?

**Edited to add: I’m also glad I won’t have to look at any more Instastories or posts of these idiots and their stickers. Dude. We get it. You voted. We voted. Everybody voted. I really don’t need to see your polling place, your envelope, your sticker, or your stupid face, OK? Cripes.

-Bev

Oh, that? That’s a crab Rangoon from my favorite Chinese restaurant from college. It’s filled with more of the cream cheese/crab mixture than most and much less of the fried dough and it’s a little pocket of Heaven and I love it.

Especially because the “original” restaurant that was there when I was in college flooded and wasn’t open for a long period of time, but has since reopened in a new building. Phew.

#thankful

-Bev

Friends, I’m thankful for this:

Ohhhhhhh, am I thankful for this.

And I’m extra thankful that I get to eat it tonight.

-Bev

I am thankful that I finally forked over the $115 or so and applied for (and was actually granted) Global Entry as a United States citizen. Global Entry includes TSA Pre and I just want to scream “Out of the way, peasants!” every time I’m walking past those poor bastards in the steering class security.

-Bev

Bonus: I did my Global Entry interview hungover in Miami earlier this year, and the interviewing officer asked me if I’ve ever been arrested. I legit answered with, “Not yet,” and somehow still got approved.

You.

You know what else I’m thankful for?¹

I’m thankful for my cousin Bessie and her husband Alfred and the “fast food taste test” they completed with their niece (cousin Gertrude’s daughter), Livvy. (You may be familiar with Livvy from this)

They literally had Livvy over for a sleepover, went to all the fast food restaurants in town for burgers, nuggets, fries, and desserts, and then blind-folded her and she got to rank her favorites.²

Basically, I’m grateful to Bessie and Alfred for my next party theme. Comment on this post if you’d like an invitation.

-Bev

¹I think that ending a sentence with “thankful for” sounds pretty shitty, but I’m too tired to come up with something better, and I did find this:

So at least I’ll be able to sleep at night.

²Oh, and here’s the rundown of Livvy’s rankings (because you know you want to know):

*and, yes, my cousin Snapchat group is called The Twits.

*and, YES, my phone is on Do Not Disturb at 8:28 pm.