Bevvy G

2017 is starting off very well here in Mayberry, and I hope you all had a great first day as well. This has been the busiest holiday season of my whole life, and after today’s final ‘event’, things should start calming down (read: I might make it an entire day without cheese and/or alcohol soon). For now, I am gearing up for one last party (I hope it’s a good one) and getting all of my shiz packed up to head back to MyCity early Wednesday morning.

I promise to have some good holiday recap posts up soon, including MamaG’s surprise 60th par-tea, rural bar crawl photos, and general Goldenstein debauchery.

But for now, I’ll leave you with one Smoke-ism from the last two weeks. (and, yes, there are more):

“Lookie here, Bev. I never could grow a handlebar mustache, but check out these brows.” 

Oh, how I wish you could all check out the brows. They’re really somethin’!

Happy New Year to all!

-Bev

P.S.- Note: I didn’t say “Happy New Year’s” because I’m not a goddamn underachieving drunken pinheaded numbskull who couldn’t pass third grade. #PetPeeve

I put on jeans today and they zipped easily/comfortably, and it might have been the best part of my 2016.

However, I am going on a small town/rural/country road trip/bar crawl tonight, and I have high hopes that it may take over the shock of today’s HolyShitMyJeansStillFit moment as the Top of The Year. I’m leaving at 4:30 because we’re taking an 18-month-old, and we need to be home for her bedtime. Bev is armed with fruit snacks to entice little Adeline to be my friend (finally), as well as a bottle of champagne and a 12-pack. Oh, and like $100 in cash, because I will be quite surprised if I am able to use a debit card until 2017. #SmallTownProblems

I hope you all have a fun and safe New Year’s Eve. May your drinks be bubbly, your driver sober, and your football team victorious… unless they’re playing mine.

Catch ya in 2017, bitches!

-Bev

Pro of the Day: I have one full suitcase packed and ready to head to Mayberry. Its contents? Pajamas, gifts, my Cravings cookbook, and self-tanner. In the case of an apocalypse, or a late alarm for my flight tomorrow, I am prepared for anything.

Con of the Day: I accidentally bought scented garbage bags. Little known fact about Bev: she HATES scented garbage bags.

Happy Hump Day, everybody!

-Bevvy G

If anyone is wondering what your girl has been up to for the last thirteen days, here’s a little glimpse.

Saturday night, I went to a holiday liquor exchange. You know, bring a bottle of $20-$25 liquor and hang out with your friends. Eat, drink, be merry!

Also Saturday night, I apparently lost my $20-$25 bottle of liquor.

-Bev