Bevvy G

I never simultaneously hate and love myself as much as I do when I forget to pack a sports bra (or shoes, or pants…) in my gym bag and can’t work out.

-Bev

So now, I’m just sittin’ here, writin’ this blog post from the gym, because I’m working my shift at the front desk. So, in a way… I AM making money from this blog.

Well, NOLA didn’t disappoint (obviously), but I’ll keep the recap here short and sweet… (mostly because I went to bed at 5:30am both nights I was there, and well… Bev ain’t 22 anymore, y’all). My bed calls.

a) I had a $200 bottle of tequila in my purse at one point. And, no, I didn’t steal it.

b) 

c) It’s Tuesday night, and I’m washing Saturday night’s 2a.m. Lucky Dog ketchup/mustard mix off my boots.

Oh, New Orleans,
I’ll love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
As long as I’m living,
My baby you’ll be.

-Bev

Dear Turbo Tax,

No, I didn’t get married, buy a house, or have a child this year.

Did you?

-Bev

Here’s the next set. (They’re home now, so the Bart Snapchats have significantly slowed)

Sue at a church.

Bart and Sue. At an opera house in Buenos Aires, as you can see.

Sue in a crowd.

Sue has a cocktail on the beach.

Sue strolls the beach (pre or post-cocktail? I think both).

Talking shit to Cousin Kathy, who also recently traveled to Rio, and must’ve recommended this place. Just note how Sue is standing out front alone while Bart takes her pic.

It’s Cristal. Sue classy.

You can’t see her well, but she’s there.

More beach cocktails.

Sue at dinner, Vol. 1.

Sue at dinner, Vol. 2.

Sue at dinner, Vol. 3.

Again, she’s just sitting there, and Bart is snapping photos. I don’t know why this is so funny to me.

But it is.

-Bev

*Edited to add: Literally, literally the second I scheduled this post, I got a Bart Snap.

YouTube credit: [TWBRadio]

(Change all the BartMans to BartSnaps, obviously)

I found the purple lid. It was in my spice rack. 

Obviously.

In other news, my coworker and I bought an electric water kettle on Amazon, and it came in this week, and it’s probably the best thing that happened to me this week.

Well, before I found the purple lid.

-Bev

#32GoingOn81

On the rare occasion that I’m not a) suffering from a soul-crushing hangover, or b) brunching to create a soul-crushing hangover, ol’ Bev here, like many others, does like to spend a Sunday running errands and getting meals prepared for the week.

Today is one of those days. Started out with a great 8:30am workout, followed by a very fortuitous trip to Old Navy, a grocery stop, and home to complete a load of laundry and some food prep before heading to a friend’s house for some Oscar watching. 

It really started off well. The deals at Old Navy really had me excited, and I was especially jacked that I was able to find another set of these little mini containers that are used for salad dressing. I have a 4-pack already, but I think I may have drunkenly gifted one to a coworker (Heymarta, did I give you one of these?), and I definitely lost one lid, so, essentially, I was down to two functional dressing containers. Obviously unacceptable, so I found another 4-pack, and while the old ones are clear and the new ones are colored plastic, the lids are interchangeable, so I was pretty jacked up about now having 7 containers with 6 lids. You follow?

Then this happened.

I have no idea HOW it happened. I literally opened the box, washed the containers and lids, and set them on this towel to dry while I chopped some celery and shit. Come back ten minutes later to this. 

You might be thinking, “Chill, Bev, this is not that serious,” but I’m here to tell you: this is the kind of thing that will put me in an asylum someday. 

Under the toaster oven? No. Folded into the towel? Nope. Randomly put away where the original set of containers is? Try again, you fool. Under the oven? Nah. Garbage? No way, José. Recycling? Nada.

WHERE ARE YOU, PURPLE LID?

-Bev

Yes, I just took fifteen minutes to type a post about losing a Tupperware lid.

And, yes, you just read it.

So, Uncle Bart and Aunt Sue are on an amazing month-long South American vacation. Which is awesome. Uncle Bart is obsessed with Snapchat. Also awesome. 

When you put these two things together, you get a recipe for some epic pictures, and a new (short-lived) series here on bg.com… Spot Sue Saturdays. It seems that Uncle Bart is spending every waking moment of said South American holiday taking photos of Aunt Sue.

And Aunt Sue hates getting her photo taken. Which makes this all very hilarious.

Dinner photo 1/infinity. (I really wish I knew how to make an infinity symbol with a keyboard)

Sue wants to kill Bart, Vol. 1.

Bart jumps in for a quick pic.

I really hope this is supposed to read, “Sue’s tenderloin sandwich…” and that UB isn’t getting raunchy. It’s anyone’s guess.

Sue is often cold. #ShoulderCardigan

Sue wants to kill Bart, Vol. 2

Like, please just picture your aunt walking down the street in a tropical locale while her husband takes photos of her like paparazzi. 

Aunt Sue hearts cervezas. 

I know you’re wondering where Sue is in this one- that’s her pink shoulder, top right.

It should be noted that Aunt Sue weighs 105 pounds soaking wet, and probably ate four of those French fries and a bite of that steak.

Things you should know after reading this post:

*These represent 1/6 of the pictures I’ve saved, and Bart and Sue don’t return home for two more weeks.

*These 62 pictures are the ones my ass was fast/sober enough to get the screen shot.

*These 62 pictures were taken after I received enough photos telling me I should start capturing them for a compilation.

*These 62 photos usually come in 6-8 at a time when Bart and Sue hit wi-fi.

*While this series is planned to be a short six weeks or so (depending on the material Bart sends in the next two weeks), this may be the first, last, and only installment… remember how I said earlier that Aunt Sue doesn’t like having her picture taken? Well, we’re about to find out how she feels about having it plastered all over the internet for millions thousands hundreds tens of people to view.

Good thing she’s in South America. 

-Bev

“You learn something new every day.”

Today, I learned that bills for broken elbows hurt more than broken elbows.

#BevStartsAGoFundMePage

#AndSpendsItAllOnBooze

#CanIHustleMoreThanKanye?

#AtLeastItsNationalMargaritaDay

#Dont

#Get

#On

#A

#Hoverboard

-Bev