Bevvy G

You know what’s worse than being on a one-week cleanse, and being in the worst part of it, where you’re eating solely protein and veggies for two days?

Being on a one-week cleanse, and being in the worst part of it, where you’re eating solely protein and veggies on a snow day.

Oh, and while I’m suffering (drinking my LaCroix and eating my green beans), I might as well look at all the upcoming ‘Restaurant Week’ menus in MyCity, right?

I am getting ready to watch Uncle Buck, though. (Can’t find Now and Then)

-Bev

I’ve been absent. I know. I even missed F.A.F. (not that any of you did). I’ve just been busy, but really, more lazy. My apologies, friends.

But tonight? Tonight, as I have been horizontal in my bed for the last two hours, I have been absolutely shaken to my core. I mean, here I am, minding my own biznass, scrolling BuzzFeed, and there it was:

THAT’S GABY HOFFMAN! NOW AND THEN GABY HOFFMAN! UNCLE EFFING BUCK GABY HOFFMAN?

WHAT THE SHIT, GABY HOFFMAN? Good goddamn. 

Ugh.

And now, still horizontal in my bed, I am reliving Gaby’s (and, well, my) glory days. 

You’re welcome.

YouTube Credit: MrRaptureRider

If this scene with Crazy Pete doesn’t make you tear up, you don’t have a soul.

YouTube Credit: joey ghurl

Seriously, how many hours did you spend with your elementary/middle school/high school friends, discussing which character each of you were? (This was before you did the same thing with your college friends concerning Carrie Bradshaw, Samantha Jones, Charlotte York, and Miranda Hobbes)

For the record, I am: body of Chrissy, mouth of Teeny.

And Samantha. Obviously.

YouTube credit: Natalia Lopez de Haro Rexach

This clip here is for those aforementioned elementary/middle school/high school friends. I’m lucky that, for me, those three groups of friends is one group of friends. My main bitches. And this shoutout is to Ardith, Henrietta, and Agatha, and our mopeds. That, my friends, is another (amazing) post.

YouTube Credit: Movieclips

Top ten movie scene of all time.

YouTube credit: Movieclips

Oh, God, OK… I’m going to have to rent Now and Then this weekend. I won’t have to rent Uncle Buck, because I own it. On DVD and VHS.

Yep.

-B.G.

P.S. I also found out in my obsessive Now and Then searches that Chrissy died. I can’t. I just can’t.

I got a Christmas gift thank you card from my nieces today, and Maude makes sure to write down what they say verbatim, instead of coaching them as to what to say, which is the shit. Margaret is old enough to write her own, but five-year-old Norma only handles the ‘Dear Aunt Bev’ and her name, so Maude records her dictation. Highlights include a section where she says ‘thanks that I love you too much’ and then ‘And I wanted to tell you one more thing: you’re sometimes funny like Snoopy.’

At first I was like… ‘Haha, that’s cute,’ and then I was like, ‘Wait, isn’t Snoopy kind of an idiot?’ and then after some Google Snoopy refreshing, I realized she is terrifyingly accurate here…

*I would like to add that I do know how to spell ‘triathlon’ and I do know that it actually consists of Coors Light, chardonnay, and champagne, but otherwise… Bev and Snoopy? Not a horrible comparison for a five-year-old.

-Bev

Well, apparently, today is my one year blogaversary! Obviously, my WordPress told me that. I’m not the type of person who can remember to put her underwear on not inside-out (seriously, like four times in the last two weeks), so obviously, I don’t really keep track of dates like that…

Considering that I had no idea that today was actually a milestone, it was pretty lowkey… I went to work, went to the gym (times two actually), and came home and ate dinner in my bed like the creep that I am. I was still hungry after my quasi-healthy dinner, so I guess you could say I celebrated by dipping a cracker into sour cream and then sprinkling shredded cheddar cheese on it? It was the highlight of 2016 thus far. 

-Beverly Goldenstein
Lifestyle Blogger, January 25, 2015- present

Also, January 25, 2015- January 24, 2017, unless Coors Light comes in with dat sponsor offer.

Yesterday, I went to a work training at a hotel with Fawn. Work events at hotels suck because all you do is just… sit there, bored out of your mind, thinking about the literal hundreds of empty beds surrounding you. Right?

Then, last night, I drank enough champagne and Coors Light to give myself a soul-crushing hangover today. All week, I’ve been looking forward to watching football on my couch and making chili in my crock pot today. I’m too hungover to make chili in the crock pot… which translates to, “I’m too hungover to open cans.” 

Send help.

And Gatorade.

-Bev

P.S.- I am watching football on my couch. Next to my trash can, because, we’re not out of the woods. The vomit woods.

Sorry you haven’t heard from me lately, readers, but I’ve been very busy buying Groupons for new restaurants so that I can be a lady who lunches, brunches, happy hours, and dines on my upcoming spring break staycation at work.

Betwixt trying to get the Cheesy Fiesta Potatoes out of my purse, skipping going to the gym, and gaining nine pounds in one day (thanks, MLK… I know that’s what you had in mind), I just haven’t gotten around to much blogging this week. 

But I do have a special little treat for you today, and that is one of my recurring thoughts. One of those that make me wonder if I’m actually a psychopath, or if others think about this kinda malarkey as well. (please don’t answer that)

Anyway, for several years now, whenever I watch either of these movies, I can’t help but think…

=

AMIWRONG?

-Bev 

P.S.- Remind me sometime to tell you about how Maude used to lock me in her room and read ‘Deep Thoughts’ by Jack Handey to me. Oh, and how she apparently sold me ‘moon rocks’ (which were actually from our landscaping), but then MamaG found out and made sure I got a full refund (in hindsight, we’ll never know whether or not I got a full refund, because I was probably five years old and had no idea what these transactions really meant while Maude was quite possibly opening a savings account with my quarters).

P.P.S- If you feel like torturing yourself (or your younger sibling), this is for you: http://www.deepthoughtsbyjackhandey.com/

There’s sour cream on my Marc Jacobs purse, and my bra is in the trash can.

The book titles just keep rollin’ in.

-B.G.

Brunch res at 10 am.

Apparently, when the restaurant called Fawn to confirm our reservation, they told her that we have a 90 minute reservation. It seems word is getting out about Bev’s brunches..

But you know what, cheap-o restaurant (if we’re actually held to 90 minutes)? Challenge. Accepted.

-Bev

I hear a slow chant in my head already. “Bevy, Bevy, Bevy, Bevy.”