F.A.F.

It’s time for an early Christmas present, readers. I’ve been keeping this one up my sleeve for a while now, but he just can’t stand to be contained any longer.

His name is Jules, and I’m pretty sure that’s creme brulee. 

-Bev

Just… creme brulee.

Some F.A.F.s have  a special place in my heart, for various reasons. The first one I ever saw, my favorite ones, and the ones that I actually know/have met, etc. 

This week’s F.A.F. falls in that last category; I have actually met this little bundle of joy. It’s the animal cousin of my good friend, Petunia Smalls. I present to you…. Dave.

Dave is a pilgrim. Naturally.

Dave is also a girl, which is part of the reason I love him (yes, I know I should call him a ‘her’ but for some reason, I like to use masculine pronouns for Dave. He doesn’t mind as long as someone keeps his glass of Cab full).

Happy Thanksgiving, Dave. And all of you readers.

-Bev

This week’s F.A.F. also qualifies as ‘F.B.F’- Flashback Friday… as I’ll be rolling home 11 hours with ol’ Sammy in the car again. This time, the ‘no A/C’ won’t be a factor, but the ‘winter storm warning’ might be. Wish Tin Cup and me luck on our journey that a) we don’t go in the ditch, and b) Sam doesn’t touch me.

TGIF, folks!

-Bev

Tell me you didn’t sing it.

-Bev

*For those of you who actually didn’t sing it. 

*YouTube credit: TygaVEVO

Oh, Tyga. We all know you and your girlfriend are more ‘Wack City’ than anything, but this animal photo is funny. Please don’t be flattered that you made the Bev cut.

(I’ll get my revenge on Sunday, you little pipsqueak)

Today’s F.A.F. is brought to you by Bev having a terrifying dream, and actually getting up early enough to post before she leaves for work. (Also, it’s Friday, and I’m slapping on some mascara and rolling out like IDGAF, so there’s also that). What was this nightmare, you ask? Well, somehow a mountain goat got into my bedroom. While I was sleeping. And just sat in the corner. Then another one came into my living room. This one didn’t have horns though and it was gray. So, maybe it was a sheep? I think goat though. Are any of you, my dear readers, dream interpreter hippie types? Because WHAT IN THE FRESH HELL DOES IT MEAN IF YOU DREAM THAT A MOUNTAIN GOAT COMES IN YOUR BEDROOM?

In other news, I’ve gotta go mattress shopping. I’ve been waking up with a sore back for about a month now. I originally thought I had tweaked it in a workout or something, but it ain’t gettin’ better, and I ain’t worked out in like a week, so I think it’s time to bid adieu to this 7-year-old SOB and take myself down memory foam lane. (maybe bad mattresses = bad dreams?)

Anyhoo, I know you’re not here to hear asinine stories about my shitshow of a life, you’re here for A FUNNY ANIMAL PHOTO. 

This week’s edition is one of my favs. One of the originals. The one that made me call Fawn one time with tears absolutely streaming  down my face. Just prepare yourself for a wiener dog wearing pearls. Because, here is a wiener dog wearing pearls.

Also, I know that this photo was made to get tears streaming down one’s face in sadness for this abused dog, but I’m that person who had to leave Titanic laughing, so let’s just say, sadness was not the cause for me calling Fawn crying and unable to speak. I bet you wonder why Fawn is still my friend. I kinda do too. But I’m glad she is. 

*For the record, I was not laughing about animal abuse. I mean, I hate animals, but I don’t condone abusing them. I’m certainly not going to give Sarah McLachlan any money or anything, but abusing animals is not being promoted here at beverygoldenstein.com…. But you know what is? Putting Dachsunds in pearls. (I had to throw that in, because I actually know the breed name)

Happy Friday, y’all. May the weekend bring you free flowin’ Coors Light, football victories, and no mountain goats in your beds. Or mine. Jesus.

-Bev

I’m late, I know. I KNOW. I was busy burning holes in my pants and eating mac-n-cheese bites for breakfast at 8:30 am.

Anyway, I couldn’t choose just one funny animal photo on a momentous occasion such as Halloween, so I’m linking you to an article full of wonderfulness.

Pay special attention to #8, #14, and #15.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/chelseamarshall/17-dogs-who-absolutely-hate-halloween?utm_term=.uo9v6ajQx0#.fnx5jzMRD8

I also just found out that a coworker has a dog named Jeff, and I’m obviously pretty obsessed. I asked if she ever calls him Jeffrey Lebowski for fun, but she doesn’t. Tragic.

Have fun nursing those Halloween hangovers. I’m busy recycling the hundreds of alcohol containers littering my house, and then headed to brunch. No work tomorrow, so shit’s gonna get real(er than is already has been this weekend so far).

-B.G.

Halloween is only a week away, and animals in costume are in full effect… (“It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” is playing in my head)

While there are so, so many great animal pics out there right now, I had to narrow down to one favorite this week, and it happens to be a video.

YouTube credit: David Stewart

Look at this little sea rover. His name is obviously Buc, and he lost that front paw in an unfortunate incident with a German Shepherd. Don’t mention it though, because Buc will cut a bitch.

-Bev

This week’s F.A.F. is another one that’s near and dear to my heart, as it’s one from the good ol’ days. The good ol’ days before I knew I was an animal hater who happened to love funny animal photos. It’s one of the catalysts for my obsession, and therefore, to this Friday blog series I know you have all come to love.

Her name is Marnie, and her owners obviously keep the Bombay Sapphire well-stocked. The husband thinks the wife secretly drinks it all, and the wife thinks the teenage son and his pothead friends drink it all. No one in the household is brave enough to confront any of the others, and Marnie just keeps mixing herself martinis. 

But, seriously, what if pets do this while we’re at work? Well, while you people are at work. I certainly can’t lump myself into the ‘we’ of pet owners. Ew.

-Bev

Halloween’s coming, so brace yourself for some animals-in-costume photos. Also, if you plan to dress up your pet for Halloween, please submit any and all photos to beverlygoldenstein@gmail.com. Maybe, just maybe, your pet can be a featured F.A.F.- every pet owner’s dream! (Bonus points if your pet has a human name, or if you’re cool with me giving it a human name)

Here, we have Collin and his buddy, Pat. They’re best friends, but Pat’s son is actually Collin’s. It’s a well-known secret on the streets. Pat doesn’t need to know that because Pat is Collin and Collin is Pat. This costume is an optical illusion! There’s only one dog in there! Don’t ask me how often I have to remind myself of that, because this seriously looks like two people. Or at least two dogs.

-Bev

YouTube credit: Levi Graves

#Duh.

-Bev