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F.A.F.

F.A.F.

Do you ever go to your friend’s house on a Sunday to drink champagne, and then your parents call you (like they do every Sunday), and when you’re not really paying attention, your friend puts eyebrows on her dog, and then the dog comes out parading in her new brows, and you’re just like… trying not to lose your shit because your parents will probably think you’re drunk again (and maybe you kind of are)?

Yeah… neither do I.

And, yes, I’ve taken to writing lots of run-on sentences because that’s how I talk, so if you don’t like it, then GTFO.

-Bev

F.A.F.

You have probably noticed by my lack of posts (or, for some of you, by the lack of annoying emails) that Bev has been pretty busy this week, and you’re right. Which leads me to this week’s F.A.F.

HippoSleepMask

One of my favorite parts of Funny Animal Friday is making up names for the animals in the funny photos. This week, though, there’s no ‘making up’ involved… Her name is Beverly Goldenstein. And she just had four Coors Lights and an Advil PM. (But, don’t worry, she’ll be up by 5 a.m., racing around like a squirrel on speed, waiting for kickoff)

-Bev

 

F.A.F.

Well, it’s the most wonderful time of the year… it’s college football season! This means it’s time for Bloodies, 8 a.m. beers, crisp leaves, pumpkin-flavored crap, and cooler temperatures. For me personally, it’s also time for drunken injuries. While these are certainly not uncommon for me throughout the year, they certainly tend to happen more frequently during football season, when I often begin my day at a bar at 10 a.m., then ride that train for 10+ hours. 

This week’s F.A.F. is dedicated to all you fools who actually still hang out/watch games with me, and often have to participate in the group effort to get me home. You know who you are. (Basically, if you’re reading this, it’s you. And if it’s not, it will be soon. I’m talking about you, Tanner.)

FrankGiraffe

 

Go My Team!!!

-Bev

F.A.F.

It’s Friday. (Actually, it’s 8:19 Thursday night as I write this. Which means I’m technologically advanced enough to know how to ‘post date’/schedule a blog post, people. So much win. Also, so much wine. Oh, Jesus, stop it, Bev.) But I’m tired. I don’t have time or energy to try to be funny. I’ve got wine to consume and backs of eyelids to study. Therefore, I’m breaking out one of the big guns. AKA: a F.A.F. which needs nothing extra. A F.A.F. that speaks for itself. A F.A.F. OG/Original Gangster, much like Bruce and his pal. A F.A.F. I’d probably actually ruin with my witty ridiculous banter.

 

CallTheCops

 

Happy weekend, folks. (I highly recommend you save this picture somehow for when you’re having a shit day. Because it’s a llama wearing a scarf. Or an alpaca. We’ve already established that I have no idea. Either way, this picture is a F.A.F. Hall of Famer)

-Beverly

Funny Animal Friday

I happened to come across this headline a few days ago, and immediately lost my shit… Obviously, the headline/picture/story caught my eye, but also, because it made me think of one of my favorite funny animal pics that I’ve ever accrued (because everyone has a favorite funny animal pic that they’ve ever accrued, right?).

JesusChristLook at that guy. His name is clearly Gene, and he loves to spread the word of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

The bear article also cracked me up, as it reminded me of the Page family trip, which was almost two weeks ago now. MamaG’s sister and her hubby took MamaG and Smoke to their campsite near Lake Tahoe at the end of the trip. All of us went to check out their camper and the area, but MamaG and Smoke were the only ones staying there. And the entire time, the rest of us had to pretend that we didn’t know that there was a legit bear terrorizing the campground. This dude has actually broken into 32 trailers and has the campground HOA (is that a thing?) calling in park rangers to remove it. Eventually, MamaG did find out about the bearorist (see what I did there?) but somehow did end up still spending the night at the campground with her sister. I’m guessing she got about twenty minutes of sleep.

Speaking of the family vaca, I realize that I haven’t really done a final recap of the trip after informing you of my parents’ upgrade to first class on their way to Lake Tahoe. Highlights from the Page Cousin Reunion include:

-Bev having a panic attack on night one. I know, I know, Bev is supposed to be very chill, very Dude. Well, I challenge you to get drunk, somehow lumber your fat ass up to the top bunk of a bed, and then wake up in the middle of the night, parched, dripping in sweat, and not totally sure where you are. Add in the fact that you’re fairly certain that you’re six feet off the ground, can’t find your cell phone for a flashlight, and you’ve got yourself into a real fit of terror, my friends. Thank God I was sleeping in a room with other cousins, and after whisper-screaming for cousin Bessie for 5-10 minutes, cousin Gertrude finally saved my life with a, “Can someone other than Bessie be of assistance to you?” Gerty got me down to ground level, where I spent the rest of the night sleeping on the floor under an open window (cool breeze) with my hips wedged between two wooden bed posts (at least I knew I wasn’t going to fall to my death {or serious injury} from a top bunk). Bessie and I spent the rest of the trip on couches in the living room.

-Smokey G walking through a screen door. Just busted through the damn thing. Twenty minutes later, he steps on a banana on the floor in the dining room. Because my drunkle thought it was a good idea to put a banana on the floor to mark where there was a huge wrinkle in the rug that many people were tripping over earlier in the day. Obviously, a banana on the floor was a good decision, Drunkle. 

-A rained-out boat ride leading most of the family to the Donner Family Museum. Let’s just say… admission is $8/vehicle in parking lot, so it averaged out to $2.18 for each member of the Page family, and I still wouldn’t recommend it. Unless you’re into pictures of covered wagons, a stuffed bear, and a laughable ‘film’ covering everything you don’t want to know about the Donner family (like, their names, occupations, and early travel experiences). Like, come on, people, we don’t care about anything that happened except the whole eating each other thing. Let’s not church this up.

-Ordering pizza for fourteen people who have been drinking steadily for a day. There were a few moments of near fisticuffs, and I literally never even saw the menu.

-The hike. Ohhhhh, the hike. If you are friends with Bev or any of the Page cousins on Facebook, you’ve probably already seen this, but to make a long story short, eleven of us set out on a hike Sunday morning before we left. There was talk of seeing a scenic overlook or a lake that many people had already hiked to on the trip. There was certainly never sight of a lake or a scenic overlook, and what was promised to be a <one mile hike turned into nearly a four mile hike. A nearly four mile hike that ended with all eleven of us Pages in a neighborhood in the next subdivision over from our house, requiring the remaining three Pages to come and pick us up in vehicles. Somehow, we were still a seven-minute drive from our house. Details include me in pajamas with no hair tie, and cousin Gertrude in Old Navy flip flops. And well, this kinda goes without saying…

SmokeHike

-The trip ended with my sister, brother-in-law, and me spending a night in Reno before our early flights out Monday morning. I gotta tell ya- Reno doesn’t deserve much in this life, but it deserves its own post. Check in tomorrow.

-Bev

 

 

Funny Animal Friday (on Friday finally)

Today’s F.A.F. is also kind of a TBT (throwback Thursday for those of you who aren’t as obsessed with social media as I am)… You may remember Rick, one of the early days F.A.F.s. 

TruckDriver

 

Well, Rick has been hard at work all summer, laying concrete, directing traffic, putting out cones, etc. That hard work has paid off and Rick has been promoted to truck driver. He really appreciates the fact that he’s not on his feet all day, and of course, the air conditioning in the truck. (Even though he generally prefers to roll the windows down and let his ears blow in the breeze… really freaks people out on the interstate.)

Congrats, Rick! Celebratory margs on you next time we hang. Which is never, because I still hate dogs, but do your thang, bro.

-Bev

 

 

F.A.F.

In honor of the Page family vaca in Lake Tahoe, I present to you this week’s F.A.F.

BearFall

I call him Simon, and I think Bill Cosby gave him quaaludes at the top of that tree.

-Bev

Yes, I know I’m late again. Sue me.

Super Late F.A.F.

I know, I know. It’s Sunday. Sunday Night. And you’ve all been waiting with bated breath for this week’s Funny Animal Friday post. I apologize.

I promise I have a good reason this time. I was celebrating my bestie’s wedding in the beautiful mountains. And by ‘celebrating my bestie’s wedding in the beautiful mountains’, I obviously mean…

*I had a lot of animal confusion on the drive there (and back). Seriously- WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A LLAMA AND AN ALPACA? (Yes, I know I could Google this information, but mostly, I don’t care. Obviously.)

*I got home at 2:30am, then stayed awake until 4:30 with my weekend roommate, Red Fox, having a drunken heart to heart. Shoutout, Red Fox! Big Dog… Little Dog roommates for life! (Obviously, I am Fred, and Red Fox is Ted)

*We woke up to a nightstand that looked like a bunch of frat boys invaded our room. Gatorade, water, cheese, crackers, salami, Nutella, and a terrifyingly-placed knife. Shameful. It should also be noted that I was pantsless in a ‘less thinking, more drinking’ shirt, and Red Fox and I proceeded to drink a jug of strawberry Pedialyte.

*Then we ordered room service breakfast, and I essentially felt like I was taking the GRE when filling out the receipt. “What room is this again?” The delivery server man was obviously impressed. He’d probably be even more impressed to know that I just called him a delivery server man. Almost as impressed as my personal trainer is going to be when I’m sweating Coors Light at my 9am session tomorrow.

*I participated in a flash mob. Yes, seriously. 

*I took more pictures of beverages than I did of people. This is a theme.

*I turned down a loooot of nature activities. Everyone was all, “Are you hiking or ziplining today?” And I was all…

YouTube credit: Brony Artemis

*I was gifted a bottle of wine by someone I just met this weekend, because she and her husband didn’t drink it over the weekend, and she couldn’t take it back on the plane with her. Fawn’s Florida Friend(s) quickly became Bev’s New Florida Friends.

Anyhoo, here’s a super late F.A.F. for you, my wonderful readers. This seal is essentially all of us looking at Fawn at the wedding. Seriously, homegirl looked stunning. Even after I stepped on her dress. #FreeChampagne 

SealDress

Love you, Fawn and Merle Martinelli! Enjoy your Italian honeymoon! Fawn, I’ll try to refrain from texting you. Which means I’ll have a note in my phone about five pages long, detailing everything I don’t want to forget to tell you. I know you’ll be dying to get home for that…

-Bev

 

F.A.F.

I’m not feeling creative enough to write much of a back story on this one today, but this is Bear, and he’s very busy.  I like to think he’s a stockbroker, but who knows.

ThisIsBear-Bev

 

Funny Animal Friday

This week’s F.A.F. is quite near and dear to my heart, as this is the first edition in which I know the animal. Like, legit, I know this dog (not biblically… don’t go there, people). I actually saved her little canine life once. OK, maybe I didn’t exactly save her life, per se. But I did happen to find her the one and only time she magically escaped from her house/yard, and I happened to be on my way over, walking down the sidewalk with a bottle of wine, and basically clapped at her/chased her away from the street until Fawn heard the racket came out and got her. I probably would’ve even picked her up had she actually gotten too close/ran into the street (if I could’ve kept her in one hand and the bottle of wine in the other, that is).

It also happens to be this little lady’s birthday tomorrow, so feel free to leave Miss Maddie some birthday wishes in the comments below. I’ll take screen shots and text them to her. (She wants to be a subscriber, but her mom refuses to get her a smart phone until she’s a teenager, which is bullshit. I help her out when I can, and she mostly agrees to stay away from me when I go to her house.)

Here she is, 4 years, 364 days old as of this posting, and probably currently dreaming of this year’s birthday cupcake… Maddie:

MaddieCupcake

Happy birthday, Mads! I’ll keep working on Mom about that smart phone, and enjoy your yearly cupcake! 

Your friend (from afar),

-Bev