After spending my week with my two nieces, this photo seems pretty fitting. Mostly, because they’re always grabbing my phone when I’m not looking, and searching it for games, and then I’m always worried they’re going to download $30 worth of country music. But then I remember it’s drunk Bev that does that.
-Bev
I know a lot of you are probably starting to feel the stress of Independence Day prep. Boat trips, camping, potlucks, pool parties, picnics, etc. I hired someone to help me prepare this year.
His name is Chandler, and it didn’t take him long to figure out that when I say, “Paca lunch,” I mean, “Put a bunch of Coors Light on ice, Chandler.” He gets me.
OK, no time for trying to be funny. It’s peak sun time, folks.
#PoolDay
#ChandlerHasMyCoolerReady
-Bev
P.S.- I survived the road trip. Recap coming soon.
In honor of the flooding kitchen, I bring you this week’s F.A.F…. He’s the younger brother of F.A.F. #3, Chad, and his name is Mikey B. He’s a DJ and has a real way with the ladies. When on land. He kinda loses his cool when in water, though…. Like, let’s just say if this pool had that fake chlorine that turns red when you pee in it, Mikey B. would never be getting a date again. Well, maybe with that thing he’s looking at. Seriously- what the hell is that thing?
P.S.- Disregard Mikey’s potty mouth. That’s Chad’s influence.
-Bev
Well, I wanted to keep this week’s Funny Animal Friday photo up my sleeve for a few weeks from now, because it’s one of my absolute favorites, but as fate would have it, I was called by a divine being to share it this week…
F.A.F. photo:
Signs from above on a shopping trip Monday:
Wait, am I God’s Henrietta? And if so, why doesn’t he attach this pole to me when I’m drunk?
-Bev
Summer is fully upon us, and we all know that can bring on a lot of construction. And nobody knows that as well as this ol’ fella, out there workin’ like a dog. (Yeah, I did it)
I like to call him Rick.
He likes to wear fluorescent orange and cargo overalls.
Remember, fines are doubled in construction zones, friends.
-Bev
In honor of two big social events for Bev this weekend (Friday: backyard beer garden party, Saturday: Fawn’s bachelorette), I present the second F.A.F.
…..
I don’t care what you say. This bro-ham’s name is Chad, and he definitely just bought beer for his whole fraternity with his daddy’s ATM card. I hope he’s at the beer garden party tonight. And I hope he’s wearing that shirt.
-Bev
Today marks a new beginning here on beverlygoldenstein.com- the start of a series. The dawn of a new day. The birth of a new baby. The takeoff of a new tier. We’re creating a new course. (Have you picked up on my clever alliteration yet?)
If you’ve been reading this blog for more than five minutes, you know that Beverly here is not a fan of animals. But as deep as my hatred for actual animals runs, my love for funny pictures of them is almost as intense. I know. I’m a walking conflict, and I don’t apologize for it any more than I do for my undying love for Kimmy K. Because of this all-consuming love of funny animals photos that can leave me crying laughing, I have amassed quite a collection of them in my phone’s camera roll over the years. I decided to start sharing my unique medley of photographs with you on what will be known here on out as ‘Funny Animal Friday’ or F.A.F here. I prefer F.A.F., because say it out loud. It rhymes with laugh and that’s what it makes me do.
Shut up and get to the point, Beverly. OK, without further ado, I present to you, my dear readers… the ultimate. My all-time fav. The original funny animal photo to begin the funny animal photos. I give you… Bruce.
If you aren’t saying this in different voices in your head, and laughing so hard you’re crying, you need a psych eval. I also like to come up with names for the other cow. Frontrunners are Albert, Alfonso, Barry, or Fletcher for a boy cow1 2. If that rascal’s an old gal, I believe her name is Beatrice, Francine, or Judy. I think we can all agree that, no matter the gender, that brown cow’s last name is McJudgerson.
**Yes, I realize that it’s not Friday. I was supposed to write this post last night. But then I went to a bar, got a free Miller Lite coozie, heard Mariah Carey ‘All I Want for Christmas is You’ (in May), and I lost my mind, and woke up with a hair tie in a glass of water next to my bed. I don’t even know. Just go with it, and please be aware that I expect approximately 30% of my F.A.F. posts to occur on Saturday. And 10% on Sunday. Don’t hate.
-Bev
1Please don’t tell my dad that I used the term ‘boy cow’.
2Please don’t tell my dad about this blog.