My second trip to New Orleans was certainly the most tame of my 3 visits, as I was visiting with a few of my cousins, and my mom and aunt. My uncle and a few more cousins surprised us there, so it turned out to basically be a family reunion. Mind you, with most people, that would totally suck. With the Goldensteins, not so much… but I still held back a little more than I normally would. Highlights of the second trip include:
-riding the plane from Dallas to NOLA with Vanilla Ice. I saw this creepy-looking white dude, and jokingly poked my cuzzo, Gertrude, in the ribs, like…. “Check out Vanilla Ice.” Neither of us thought much of it until we boarded the plane, and as we sat down, Gertrude basically tackled me and confirmed that this man was, indeed, Vanilla Ice. (She knew from his hand tattoos because she watched his TV show. Because the Goldensteins are classy like that.) Now, as you may have guessed by now, Bev lives her life with few regrets, but one of the few that I do harbor is the fact that I did not get the entire plane singing ‘Ice, Ice Baby’ as we landed/deplaned. I know. I’m sorry too. (PS- Vanilla Ice flies Southwest. I feel like we should start him a GoFundMe page.)
-being surprised at the airport by my uncle + cousin + cousin’s wife. My favorite part of the surprise was that they knew to watch for passengers from our flight because Vanilla walked by a few minutes before we did. (Obviously, we had previously texted everyone we knew that we were flying with Vanilla.)
-on the way to our hotel with our 3 surprise visitors, (who very conveniently, had a free car that acted as airport shuttle) we stopped at a liquor store. Let’s just say, packing $300 worth of booze + 6 Goldensteins in a Honda Civic is something you’ll never forget.
-falling in love with a New Orleans Mounted PD officer. He was the replacement for the lack of football players in the area (see previous post). If you’re reading this, Ace’s driver, I love you. Do you call someone who rides a horse the horse’s driver? I have no idea what I’m doing here…
-seeing a cockroach fly off a ceiling fan straight down my uncle’s shirt. New Orleans’ cockroaches ain’t no punk, y’all.
-eating my favorite tuna sandwich again. I’m not kidding, people.
-having the memories very well-documented by my sister, Maude. Maude doesn’t enjoy cocktails as much as the rest of the family, so she basically sips on 1-2 Fuzzy Navels throughout the night, while documenting the insane shit the rest of us do, so that she has dirt on us forever. Some of my favorite quotes that came out of the trip are:
“You go to the bar and shake your ass, and I’ll go to the bar and watch you shake your ass.” -Aunt Sue
“A jackass and a female horse make a mule.” -Carriage Driver, addressing some Goldenstein family questions
“I stepped in gum.” -cousin Kathy… “Better’n horseshit.” -Mama Goldenstein
“If you see a mushroom cloud to the southeast, you’ll know what it is.” -Uncle Bart, headed back to the hotel with some digestive issues…
And that, my friends, is how the Goldenstein clan does New Orleans. It is worth noting that this trip was the catalyst to the now tri-yearly cousin trip. Again, most people would cringe at the thought of this, but when your cousins roll like mine… you don’t.
New Orleans Trip #4 Countdown: 65 hoursish.
-Bev
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