Reader Reviews

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From Henrietta, one of Bev’s high school besties:

I stumbled upon Bev one rainy night. I was feeling blue and alone and needed to transport to a different place. I decided reading a book was the way to go, however stumbled upon this blog. Little did I know, I’d find Bev, who gave me hope, a purpose and a reason to go on with my day. Ok, none of that is correct and I read Bev because she is the bomb and I love hearing what’s happening in her life.

My favorite Bev post is obviously ‘Luck of the Jewish’ in which Bev recounts us in our prime. We rocked that song and I still think about Mama G sitting there, listening to us, with a STRAIGHT FACE! We were in high school……

Bev and I met in the 3rd grade. One of my first memories was actually with Smoke and Mama G, riding in their blue Cadillac (with a sunroof) in a neighboring city. We were driving around town and I stood up to put my head out of the sunroof, and there may or may not have been an incident with Smoke telling me to get back in the car. I was a pretty rebellious kid, but that day Smoke helped to ground me and I let go of those rebellious ways. (It was actually a blue LeBaron. The closest pic I can find can be found here)

I have so many Bev stories, from elementary to just last summer. We have experienced the following: Writing and folding about a billion notes, stalking college basketball players, the rounds, letting the car roll over Bev’s foot prior to a volleyball game, drinking vodka out of a measuring cup, almost running Bev over, and so many others. Bev is one of besties and always will be, even though she did end FAF. (‘The rounds’ means that we drove around and around past our high school crush’s houses. I’m sure it wasn’t obvious in a town of less than 1,000. In Henrietta’s seafoam green Mercury Tracer. And yes, this bitch has run over my foot AND nearly backed over me, and is still one of my best friends. Bev don’t hold grudges.)

From Marcella, Bev’s former coworker, current friend:

I am not funny enough. I read Bev b/c it gives me the giggles and b/c i not so secretly love Smoke. Sometimes I send the posts on to LR. (LR is Lynne Reed, Marcella’s mom. Bev has met LR once and probably loves LR as much as Marcella loves Smoke. She even texted me once- look for a post titled LR coming soon!)

I am inept.

From Cousin Bessie, seven years Bev’s junior:

I have known Bev for my entire life, and let me tell you there is seldom a dull moment. I have so many fond memories with Bev that it’s hard to know where to start. One of my most fond memories of Bev is when she would pick me up to go into town to wash and dry her car with her. Let me rephrase that: …to wash and dry her car FOR her. You would think this would be very frustrating for me, but this was one of my favorite activities to do with Bev for several reasons. One is that I got to hang out with a high schooler when I was only about 12 years old…now that was cool. Another is that Bev introduced me to some very provocative music. I knew it was fun because she would always say, “Don’t tell our parents that you heard this song.” Of course I didn’t tell, but I DID listen…although I had no idea what they were saying half the time, and if I did understand the words, I didn’t know what they meant. So it was harmless, really. My favorite song when I was 12 (and I give all the credit to Bev for this) was “Me So Horny” by 2 Live Crew. Bev would roll her windows down and blare this baby for me as I dried her car after the car wash. And I loved every minute of it. (Thanks, Bessie, for not telling our parents about this. And for those of you who don’t know or remember this song, you can listen here.) I could go on about several other memories with Bev such as the time when I visited her in HerCity and tried to go drink for drink with her but ended up puking in her bed that night. Worst. Hangover. Ever. But really. I’ve had some bad hangovers, but that one was definitely the worst by far. I was still puking at 9pm the next night and had to leave the bar/pedal hopper shenanigans (the whole reason I drove to HerCity in the first place) to head to bed. It took me a full 72 hours to feel normal after that. Life lesson: don’t try to keep up with Bev and her drinks. You will lose. Bev drank the same amount as me (or probably more) that night and was still able to go to work the next day. (I’ve never even puked in my own bed.)

This has gotten a little longer than I expected, but I just couldn’t stop once I started thinking of all the good times I’ve had with Bev. I would like to sign off by saying thank you to Bev for all of the entertainment over the past year and especially for FAF. I’ll still love you for life even though you snagged that away from us so suddenly. Cheers, cuz. Can’t wait to see what Bev has in store for the next year.

From Keith, Bev’s cousin-in-law, four years Bev’s junior:

How does one begin to describe the happenings of a day in the life of Bev? Well, the beginning might be easy. It’s the end of the day that usually ends in a fuzzy adventure. You see, Beverly Goldenstein (pronounced Golden-STEEN) herself is quite the character to describe. If you read her blog, it doesn’t take long to figure out she loves Coors Light. I believe if she got a spons0r from her beloved beverage company, she might chalk it up to one of her greatest accomplishments in her lifetime. (*One of??? THE!) Her palate also appreciates a more refined drink, such as the bottles of wine kept lovingly chilled in her refrigerator. (Don’t forget the goddamn champagne next time, Keith)

Upon consuming these beverages is where the magic really happens for BevvyG. You truly must read to understand, but they usually end with an outstanding injury with the story recounted by a friend.

Bev’s second (or maybe first) lifetime achievement award would probably come from a follow by Kim Kardashian. The only thing possibly stopping her from gaining that follow might be Bev’s hatred for Kim’s husband, Kanye. This love/hate relationship is definitely a comedic topic on her blog, and her most epic posts might be the Merry Kimsmas series. (I am betting on a 2017 divorce, Keith. Then Kim is mine. All mine.)

It would be easy to go on about the ins, outs, and what-have-yous (excellent Lebowski usage) on BeverlyGolsenstein.com, but describing her OCD, hatred for pets but love for pets in costume, trips to her hometown Mayberry (my personal favorite), and more would, well, require us to sit down with a few Coors Lights. My best advice would be to subscribe. Because you need Bev in your life. And she needs sponsors. #MoreMoneyforCoorsLight (Keith, have you considered getting into politics? Damn, you good.)