Blast(s) From the Past

MamaG made me clean out my closet today. For those of you who follow me on Snapchat, it made for a beautiful Snap story that even garnered two Aunt Sue screen shots. For those of you unfortunate enough to not follow Bev on Snap, I apologize. But don’t worry, everybody. Whether you got the million-pictures-from-high-school Snaps today or not, I’ve got a treasure trove of photographs from Bev’s Closet Cleanout rounded up for you here. We’re talking never before seen footage! A rare peek into Bev’s childhood years! “An extra special glimpse into my life” (for all you A League of Their Own fans). Get your popcorn and your Coors Light, folks, ‘cuz shit’s about to get real.

And if you’ve ever wondered about how weird Bev actually is in real life, well, this might be the best evidence of my sheer lunacy.

Yes, I was in 4H. And, yes, I did a project. I also took a calf to the fair once. Remind me to tell you about that sometime…

I’m pretty sure this is before we left for Bev’s high school graduation breakfast at church. Which makes Maude, like, 21. And, apparently, she was headed to a Wall Street job interview after the church breakfast. #BevsDocMartensLookFreshThough

I know you can’t really see this very well, so I’ll just tell you. That’s a picture of eight bridesmaid dresses. Eight.

Babysitter’s Club FoLife, amIwrong? But, seriously, I’d love to have back all the money I spent on all of these. Or, hell, the money I could get for them now. Any takers?

I might throw in the game to the highest bidder. (key word: might. more key word(s): highest bidder)

I kept my moist towelette collection in this personalized tin school bus. I kept my moist towelette collection in this personalized tin school bus. Jesus.

Run-of-the-mill cassette collection. Most likely similar to your, highlights include Tiffany, the Cantaloop single, Ace of Base, Barbie and the Rockers, NKOTB (obvs), and ‘A Tape’ as you can see there in the background.

Bet you didn’t know Bev was an artist. (If you didn’t read that as ‘arteest‘ please go back and read as such)

Mosquitoes love Bev like Bev loves Kim K. And Bev hates bug spray like Bev hates Kanye. The Clip-on is a nice alternative. (This is not a sponsored post)

Once, my mom cross-stitched me a clown sweatshirt, and when I outgrew it, my grandma made it into a pillow. The pillow has a ribbon hook on top. Because everyone needs a HangingFormerClownSweatshirtRepurposedIntoAPillow.

Prom corsage. Please know that, while nice, neither of my prom dates hold a special place in my life. Why I’ve chosen to keep this for 14-15 years is unknown.

Bev was is a big Dennis Rodman fan. Big. Huge. And she may have made me part with the T-shirts, I bargained my way into keeping the posters (not pictured). Nobody takes my Rodman posters.

Because these are obviously very helpful. (first pair ever. please note the blue tortoiseshell)

OFFICIAL LETTER FROM THE GOVERNOR, Y’ALL. And, no, it wasn’t a specific request that I vacate the state.

Joey McIntyre. Sigh.

(I wish I would haveput something next to this so that I could show its size… this pin is the size of a small dinner plate)

For when that Mayberry nightlife gets poppin’.

Because most Dennis Rodman fans are also… Marilyn Monroe fans? Like the classic Amazon, “users who bought this were also interested in…”

Again, I wish I had something in here to show you the scale. This thing is like over a foot tall. And is very helpful when sitting in your closet at your mom’s house.

If you didn’t have a burned Nelly CD, you also probably don’t have a high school diploma. (that was mean. I’m sorry)

I’ll get back to you guys when Sotheby’s shoots me the starting bid price for this piece. It’s a very rare Pinocchio painted backwards on glass, then laid over foil. And you probably can’t afford it.

I don’t remember having nightmares about Popples in the 80s and 90s, but I’m pretty sure I’m going to have one on July 11, 2016.

Whenever someone went on vacation, they always brought me a shot glass. I don’t get it. (please comment if you are the purchaser of any of these shot glasses)

Bev loves funny napkins. Bev has owned these for at least three years. Any bets on whether or not I actually remember to use these in December?

I wish I could tell you my vase game has been elevated from used liquor bottles to… vases. I also wish I could tell you that these flowers weren’t picked while hanging out of the passenger window of my college friend’s blue Lexus while the car was moving. 

And there you have it.

-Bev