Surprise!

Guys, I have been busy as all hell the last two weeks (i.e.: I was celebrating the finalization of a big project at work, planned and executed two parties, had guests in town, and haven’t been 100% sober since 1997), and have neglected you. I know, and I’m sorry, but I’m about to make it up to you in a big, big way.

Like, F.A.F. big. You see, I noticed not long ago, that two of my last Funny Animal Friday posts were the same picture! (click on the F.A.F. tab on my home page and scroll down for .2 seconds to see it for yourself) Beverly Goddamn Goldenstein, pull your head outta your ass! So, here I am to make this up to you. 

The picture below is of my “family dog” growing up. I say that in quotation marks, because as you probably know, I literally didn’t ever do anything with this dog, and when he went missing when I was in high school, I didn’t notice until MamaG told me two weeks later. (let it be known that he lived/slept in the shed where I parked my car, and I still had no clue…) Meet Mario Luigi Goldenstein (I think you’ve seen him once before, but today’s photo is more of a portrait, so it deserves a more formal introduction).

The one and only Goldenstein family pet (well, Maude had a bird for a while, until she forgot to feed it when we went on a trip, and I think I had a fish once?), but pretty much the only Goldenstein family pet. The one who once got his head stuck in a cat food can. The one we used to put in our “bummer car” (an old farm car) and drive around our yard. (Don’t worry, Maude would let Mario sit shotgun when Bev sat in the back). Oh, and speaking of Maude’s sisterly dictatorship, take one guess as to why Mario was the first name and Luigi the middle. #PlayerOne #PlayerTwo #CoinFlip

Oh, and the one who occasionally wore a headscarf hankie.

Mario.

And for those of you who actually care about Mario’s disappearance, we really don’t know what happened, but Smoke and MamaG assumed that Mario may have met his maker when he wandered onto the yard of a not-so-dog-friendly neighbor and his firearm. Because, #MidwestLyfe.

Oh, and before you go feeling bad for Mario and other dogs whose neighbors don’t forgive the trespasses against them (Lord’s Prayer reference- bet you never thought you’d see that here!), please research the man who was attacked by a service dog on a Delta flight this week. I literally am not calm enough about this situation to type words yet, but the thoughts in my head? They ain’t nice.

Keep. Your. Dog. Where. It. Belongs.

And for those who need a refresher: My favorite post I’ve ever written.

Signing off, ‘cuz I gots a hot date with Fawn tonight, y’all, and these pregame glasses of wine ain’t gonna drink themselves.

-Bev