Bart Snap Recap

If you know any farmers, you know that one of their favorite activities is to take “crop tours”- literally just driving around looking at fields. Sometimes there’s a roadie involved, sometimes ice cream. Sometimes both? Of course, they pay most attention to their own fields, but they’d all be lying if they told you there wasn’t a small element of competition (or at least, comparison) involved as well. 

As for UB, he’s not “just” a farmer; he’s also a seed salesman in Mayberry. This doesn’t mean much to you, but it means that he really does pay attention to everyone’s fields because he’s looking to see which of his “strains” (?) of seed are faring best for his customers, and which fields of his competitors’ seed he might need to vandalize in the near future. Kidding. UB runs his seed business on the straight and narrow! He draws people in with actual results and the quarterly customer appreciation parties he and Aunt Sue host where Sue has to make pans and pans of homemade cinnamon rolls for the customers while they talk shit order their seed for the upcoming year and… do other farmer stuff? You all know that I just don’t know. My grandpa Page was a seed dealer as well, and the cinnamon rolls have been a staple for a long time. #PioneerGearForLife

Anyway, you might be thinking that UB is an asshole and is making fun of some poor farmer whose field got drenched in a recent downpour. But I’m 99% sure that field is his.

-Beverly “We Self-Deprecate. It’s What We Do” Goldenstein