Smoke Strikes Again

As I was leaving the gym today, some bitch almost clipped me, because she was cutting the corner, and I immediately yelled, “You corner-cuttin’ sonofabitch!” which is one of Smoke Goldenstein’s special driving phrases. The man has some pretty great one-liners, and has been known to curse on occasion, but he has three phrases that are somehow (I’m pretty sure not purposely) reserved solely for driving: 

-corner-cuttin’ sonofabitch
-jiggleass
-dippleass

I know I have a Facebook post from way back of his commentary when driving in a midsized city after picking me up at the airport, so I’ll see if I can find that, but in the meantime, I forgot I had a little gem saved in my phone from Smoke and MamaG’s last visit to MyCity. If you remember, Bev wasn’t feeling well that visit, so it was pretty lowkey, and a fair amount of time was spent relaxing in my apartment. Which means ‘Keeping Up With The Kardashians’ was on TV. And, let me tell ya, if there’s one person in this world you want to watch that shit alongside, it’s Smoke motha-effin’ G, man. Here’s a taste of what I could slyly get typed into my phone as he narrated…

“Them Kardashians got hellish eyebrows don’t they?” (about a minute later, under his breath)… “Must take a lot of fertilizer.”

(MamaG asks how I’m feeling… I answer something along the lines of ‘not great’)… “It could be worse; you could be that dumb heifer.” (dumb heifer= Kris Jenner)

“Lips and boobs. That’s what them girls are all about.”

“What are they eating?”
“Churros.” -me
“Who?”

“Do they live in Paris?”

“And she’s a Kardashian but she has white hair?”
“Briefly.” -me
“Oh, you’re full of shit up to your ears.”

So, yeah, I know most people hate watching that show, but if you ever get a chance to watch with Smoke, jump on it. Same goes for riding in cabs. Put Smoke in shotgun for optimal results. 

-Beverly