Bev, You’re Out of Your Element

I’m sitting in a coffee shop, trying to complete a few hours of the insane amount of work I have to do right now, before heading home to watch some college football (can I get a HELL YEAH?). Bev is 6 days out from the end of a 28-day dry-out (but who’s counting?), and has gotten up at 4:45 am ten out of the last twelve days of life, so I’m skipping the bar scene this weekend, and I’ll be watching MyTeam from the comfort of my own couch. Without the discomfort of pants. It’s going to be great. 

However, my current situation at the goddamned hipster coffee shop:

a) There’s a group of people here after their CrossFit workout, and one of the (very beefy) guys is wearing a brightly colored “Dia De Los Deadlifts” shirt and what appear to be women’s workout leggings. 

b) There’s a skull on my table.

c) A skull.

d) The hipster music can be heard over my music in my headphones. (OK, and a bit ago, my song ended and for some reason, another didn’t start up, so I was just sitting here with headphones on- nothing coming through them- so I’ll take some of the blame for that one).

e) The decor includes a Ducati, hipster clothing for sale, boxing gloves, and old-time barber paraphernalia in this hipster coffee shop. And an odd amount of animal horns (antlers?), bones, skulls, etc. There’s also a metallic accent element, so I can appreciate this gold Coca-Cola bottle, but my Lord, I can’t pick up the vibe in here.

I literally just noticed what I think is a SAW as I typed that. Is there a saw in this coffee shop? WTF?

For those of you who really know me/where I live, you probably know where I am. So if I’m not rapid-fire texting you when MyTeam scores later, I am probably in the basement of this coffee shop, soon to be the next skull on the wall. (sans antlers, I hope)

-Bev

P.S.- What is the difference between horns and antlers? And wolves, coyotes, and foxes? And beavers and otters (the list goes on), but for real, is there a distinction between horns and antlers?

And P.P.S. Because I had to.

YouTube credit: vorantvacuity