F5

Well, I survived the weekend in my college town for a wedding and football game (barely, obviously).

I could give you the boring rundown. You know the one about how I woke up Sunday morning with a skinned elbow, and a swollen and black and blue hand, or how I made a bit of an ass of myself while giving a bridesmaid’s speech, but let’s be real- none of those things surprise you.

What might surprise you?

The fact that I survived a four hour car ride Sunday with two things that should never be in mixed company: a Category F5 hangover in the backseat (me) and a savage human, eating a bag of beef jerky in the front seat (most definitely not me).

A bag of beef jerky.

In a car.

With a NearPuker in the background.

The nerve.

Seriously, I feel like someone could submit me for some kind of Purple Heart/Nobel Prize, etc. for not projectile vomiting all over the inside of a Nissan Rogue this weekend.

-Bev

P.S.- no disrespect to people who’ve won real Purple Hearts and Nobel Prizes. As long as they don’t disrespect me for not puking when that bag o’jerky opened, and that aroma hit my nostrils.

P.P.S.- this was Bev’s ninth time being a bridesmaid. Ninth. Raise your hand (aka: comment) if you’re interested in a “Wedding Wednesday” series outlining Bridesmaid Bev’s antics. (If you’re reading here, chances are, I was one of your attendants, and chances are even better that you regret it)