Don’t Quote Me….

You know how sometimes things are really funny when they happen and then you tell someone about the really funny thing and they just stare at you? I feel like that might be this post, but we’re gonna toss a few of these out there anyway.

A collection of quotes captured from the 2 week Goldenstein/Page holiday extravaganza:

“I do know what YouTube and the internet is, I guess.” -the one and only Smokey G.

“Well, they’re just stupid people that’s why they’re broke.” -unknown (because Bev was drunk when adding these to her phone and doesn’t remember)

“This beats the shit outta goat-ropin’ in my book.” -Smoke strikes again (I wish I could remember what we were listening to…

“You have a little whiskey, do you?” -cousin Bessie’s fiance, Alfred¹
“Well, I had a little shot of wine because I had a coffee cup handy.” -Smoke (because drinking wine out of a coffee cup is way more normal than drinking whiskey out of a coffee cup?)

“Got seventeen likes with that picture of your dad.” -MamaG, on her sixth Instagram post. It features Smoke washing dishes.

“I bet you thought it was Simon Estes in there. It was me.” -Smoke, post-Christmas Eve singing shower

“We went to Rod Stewart at the Corn Palace.” -Aunt Sue, reminiscing on vacations past

“They’d have to knock me out for that. And I’m not talking Valium- that’s bullshit.” -MamaG

Aunt Judy spits wine everywhere after someone said something ridiculous…”My brand new top!” -her boyfriend, Newt, on his new ‘top’ from Yorkman’s (one person who loves Yorkman’s as much as MamaG? Newt.)

*Bev is wearing socks that say ‘determined’ across the toe (which I HATE and is a whole other post in itself…)
“Deter mined? Is that what your socks say, Bev?” -Aunt Sue

“Why don’t you sleep in pants?” -6-year-old Norma
“It’s comfortable.” -me
“Sometimes I do that when I poop before I nap.” -Norma

*during family game of Trivial Pursuit, in which most of us can’t answer a goddamn question, but MamaG, Uncle Bart, and Maude run the board…
“How much juice does it take to run four 60-watt bulbs an hour?” -Smoke, sauntering around the house, turning off lights

“Lookie here, Bev. I never could grow a handlebar mustache, but look at these brows!” -Smoke

So, again, maybe they aren’t funny to you because a) you had to be there, and b) you need to know the insane person who said the quote, but hey, I hope you found a chuckle out of at least one of ’em!

Anybody up for Rod Stewart at the Corn Palace? (*raising hand*)

-Bev

¹When Alfred said this, he wasn’t actually Bessie’s fiance… but he sure showed drunk Bev Bessie’s ring that night, and Bev had to keep a secret for much longer than anticipated. However, Alfred and Bessie are now engaged. Congrats, Alfred and Bessie!!