Bagdate

*That’s a bag update, if you didn’t know.

I can’t find the unicorn bag. Linda can’t find the unicorn bag. I can now find it in the cognac and smoky blue colors on Target online, but I just don’t love them the way I know I would love it in black. 

The good news is, before I saw the unicorn bag, I had already ordered three bags from Target.com, so those three are sitting in my living room now, waiting for me to choose a fav and return the other two.

You may be wondering why I have such an urgent need for a new bag (and ‘urgent’ could certainly be argued against here, but I’ll save that argument for MamaG), so I’ll tell you. 

I need a work bag. This is different than a purse. Work bag holds all kinds of wondrous shit, from books and reports that I may need to transport to and from work and home, a random assortment of writing utensils, usually my lunch, tissues, etc.¹ It really is an essential to Bev’s daily life, and there’s a bit of an issue with my current work bag.

That problem being that over Thanksgiving break, cousin Bessie and I got real drunk in our college town, and when we were hungover driving home to Mayberry, we stopped at Chick-fil-A (duh), and I grabbed at least eleven different sauces to go with my chicken strips (duh). Like, they were just sitting behind the counter, and the guy wasn’t saying anything, so I was shoving an assortment of Chick-fil-A sauces² into my bag like a crackhead. Needless to say, I didn’t need all the sauces for my meal, and a few of them stayed in my bag. Where, you guessed it, we had an incident. A ranch dressing incident to be specifici. Not sure object was the puncture perpetrator this time (read Bev’s Bio for other times I’ve been in similar situations), but as I was carrying my bag one day last week, I kept getting a whiff of what I thought was pickles. No. Errant ranch (which, apparently, smells like pickles?). Not a huge disaster or anything, but it’s time for a new bag. I can’t be out in the streets smelling like pickles, guys.

1:37 mark… kills me every time.

YouTube Credit: Movieclips

-Bev

¹I actually went through my bag (*note, it’s sometimes used for travel), and here’s a real list of the contents… in order of their peculiarity: ID badge and swipe card for work, portable charger (whose usefulness is becoming suspect), headphones, errant ponytail holders, Motrin, pencils and pens, Dramamine, Crystal Light packets, my three-year-old bottle of Ativan, three gold bangle bracelets, a tube of Body Glide, and some kind of Nerf gun accessory. What. the. fresh. hell. Bev?

²Remind me to tell you the time my old roommate, Alice, and I went to Chick-fil-A (also hungover0 and sat in the parking lot, contemplating whether or not Polynesia was a country, for like 10 minutes.