Sleuthy Smoke Part 2

Now, where did we leave this story? Oh, yes! With Smoke in the middle of our yard, pantsless! (note: he had a flashlight, not a gun. Totally less exciting.)

Anyway, after determining that he, MamaG, and Maude were in no immediate danger (and after snagging the license plate number), Smoke headed back into the house to call the cops. After making the report of the suspicious vehicle, he was asked to stay on the line with the dispatcher until police arrived. Please remember, this is essentially in the middle of nowhere, so this is no five-minute wait/conversation. So, now, it’s 3 or 4 a.m. and he’s standing in the dark kitchen, making small talk with a 911 dispatcher (presumably still pantsless).

Smoke: Where are you from? 

Dispatcher: Willis.

Smoke: Oh, my niece and nephew went to school there, etc. I thought you must’ve been from the south because you said, “y’all” (turns out, she did live in Texas for a while).

Then, when the small talk ran out, Smoke broke out the big guns (big flashlights?). Being the good small-town citizen that he is, he tried to get the dispatcher to tell him the quasi-trespasser’s name (she had it pulled up from the license plate number). Clearly, the dispatcher can’t do that, but Smoke talked her into letting him play a new game- a unique mix of Who’s Who and 20 questions, and was able to figure out that the perpetrator is!!

Their over-served neighbor.¹

Eventually, the cops showed up. Due to the fact that Smoke and MamaG live so far from the “cop shop” and the cops didn’t think the man would “blow” after the drive there, they allowed the inebriated man to drive the short distance home.

Which is fortuitous (one of Smoke’s favorite words).

So there you have it. It was the neighbor. With the BAC. At the gas barrel. (No harm, no foul, man… #MayberryMania)

-Bev

¹Yes, Smoke and MamaG know 80% of the entire town of Mayberry, and 99% of their close neighbors. Not this one, as he recently moved in. Ya know, when Kenny and Linda moved off the farm.