Earth Day

Bev celebrated Earth Day like every other red-blooded, non-hippie, omniverous American.

*I took two showers. Solely because it’s roughly the temperature of the sun in my workplace, and I figure they’re saving the goddamned planet by not turning on the air, so I’m taking free rein on the water usage for now. Also… the very chemical-filled products used in the shower. Especially my PanOxyl face wash, which contains the highest percentage of Benzoyl Peroxide of any OTC face wash. Chemicals, for the win.

*I used three different paper plates and three different plastic forks to eat three plates of food at a work lunch potluck. (I know… I’m making up for those calories by having Sauvignon Blanc and a cup of applesauce for dinner, right? RIGHT?!?!?!)

*I forgot something at home, and drove to and from work twice today. That something? A chicken pot pie for a coworker who’s on maternity leave. And, yes, the (very non-organic) delicacy was in a disposable foil pie pan instead of my glass one, because it’s Earth Day, and I have a fear of my actual kitchenware being stolen. (No, I don’t, but you never know. Those mothers on maternity leave? Reputation for being thieves, ya know.)

*Then I sat in traffic for over two hours after work to deliver aforementioned pot pie. (Seriously, HOW and WHY do people live in suburbs?)

*I ended the night by giving myself a light mist of at-home spray tan, where the main ingredient is Dimethyl Ether. Bev loves Dimethyl Ether.

But ya know what? A few years ago, a spry young 8-year-old asked me what I was doing for Earth Day, and I legit recycled, like, a shitload of beer cans. So, I think that bought me some Earth Day credit, and you can’t judge me for the double showering, triple plates, etc.

The amount of food on the triple plates, and the wine and applesauce for dinner? You can go on ‘head and judge that. All day.

Earth Day, Fearth Day. #ChemicalsForLife

-Bev

*Disclaimer: Bev actually does recycle 90% of appropriate products, is extremely mindful of electricity usage (this comes from living with Smoke Goldenstein for 18 years), and NEVER leaves the water running while she brushes her teeth.

However, Bev also firmly believes in smelling good. And shaving her armpits. And that Clorox cleans better than your lemon juice + water + vinegar + hippie juice Pinterest bullshit does any day of the week. And a lot of other things, but we’re opening a whooooooole other can of worms here. 

Hippies, stand down.