“Is this Christmas Eve?” -Smoke Goldenstein… 12/23/17, 4:06 pm

Bev is back in the Mayberry area until early 2018 and so far, I have…

-consumed one slice of Casey’s pizza. Also known as one percent of the slices of Casey’s pizza I will have in the next thirteen-ish days.

-heard one of my aunts exclaim that the mountains on her can of Coors Light were “so goddamn blue, they’re purple.”

-gone to bed at 8:00 pm (after a 3:15 am airport wake-up call) but forgetting that Mama G has candles up in the windows and that sleeping in my bedroom is equivalent to sleeping on an airport runway from late November until late December in any given year.

-completed a workout. (which is only notable because my body has basically turned into an intoxicated grilled cheese since Thanksgiving)

-chotzed around Smoke and Mama G’s house in these:

Because I forgot we bought them on our fateful shopping trip in the Smokonut hotel room, where I didn’t think I had any socks (turned out I did, which is why I forgot about these beauts) and Mama G was convinced I would get gangrene if I walked around barefoot. I mean, ’tis the season, I guess…

-wrapped all of my Christmas gifts. Poorly. Very, very poorly. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. My present-wrapping is like that of a drunk four-year-old wearing gloves and a blindfold. 

But no matter how badly my gifts are wrapped, there’s still at least one under the tree that’s got me beat (or… the opposite of beat?). I won’t reveal the name of the bad wrapper, but I will tell you that it rhymes with toke. Which is what he must do before he wraps.

-Bev