Merry Coorsmas!

Merry Christmas to all my dear readers. I wanted to pop in today for a quick update. 

I hadn’t written about it, but due to some unforeseen circumstances, I was a visitor to the ‘baby unit’ at my local hospital four times in less than two weeks (two times, smuggling in champagne) before heading back to Mayberry on Friday. I was getting worried that I was going to be placed on some sort of baby unit No Fly List, but then I came home, and now won’t be able to head in to the baby unit again until at least January 3, so hopefully they clear that creep list after a week or so.  (Also, I wasn’t arrested at the airport) But then yesterday, I went to church twice in one day and now I’m worried Jesus has me on some sort of Kiss-Ass list or something. Especially since I didn’t shower and was wearing second-day makeup for the first church trip, then wore my largest pair of gold hoops (which are large) to the second service. Nothing to see here, Jesus.

Here’s hoping I’m able to stay out of jail (regular jail and Jesus jail)¹, but just in case there’s an unexpected Christmas arrest, here are the highlights from Smoke and Mama G’s Christmas cards…

*“Susan canned more salsa than she ever has in the past.” -family friend

*“Suppose you heard I am moving to Senior Living in Feb. I don’t have to cook anymore! I will keep you informed.” -Smoke’s great aunt (You go, girl!)

*“I just baked jello cake for church tomorrow and muffins for my breakfast next few days.” -Mama G’s prayer partner

*“And you can imagine- Sue’s mouth was agape, 
When we saw that baboon jacking off on the Cape.” -Uncle Bart

I love these Christmas anecdotes so much, but they pale in comparison to the best Christmas letter of all time- from my bestie, Alice’s great aunt, Lois. Oh, dear God, how I wish I still had that letter, guys. I won’t even try to recant it here because it was just literal Christmas gold, but I will tell you that there was a detailed section about her husband’s ingrown toenail surgery. Alice ended up sending it to me because I literally asked her to read it to me every time I talked to her on the phone, but that was at least five years ago (before BG.com), and it’s been misplaced… Here’s hoping (for all of us) that I stumble across that piece of paper stuffed in one of my storage boxes someday.

And, with that, I need to sign off- I have to go get ready for Christmas brunch at Maude and Jasper’s, then back home to “help” Mama G prepare her dishes for Page Christmas tonight, and there’s been a special request for “no hangover of any kind” tomorrow for our “family Christmas” here at Smoke and Mama G’s. 

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good (day) night!

-Bev

¹There was a apparently a high-speed chase in Mayberry around 1 am and I’m feeling a little uneasy. If I hear of anyone looking for a serial baby snuggler, I’m headed to Zihuatanejo!

P.S.- Smoke received a ‘Merry Christmas’ text while I was writing this post. He’s trying to reply. Here’s hoping that he’s just writing Happy New Year back because that’s when he’s going to finish.