Windy City Wundown

I’ll spare you the full details of my trip this time, because my guess is that you can all surmise what happened to Bev in Chicago.

*Yes, my Chi friends are legit Polish, and we spent the first night drinking this, which my friend, Joyce, hides under her sink. Homemade vodka with Post-it labels for. the. win.

*Yes, I did get wasted while watching at the Cubs game.

*Yes, I did hear an old friend, Kay, say, “Wow. I forget what it’s like hanging out with you, Bev.” I even offend my friends.

*Yes, I did look for the bottom of bottomless mimosas, and have a ten minute conversation with a group of gay hairdressers about whether I should color my grays or not. (No, I didn’t know them.)

*Yes, I did use the men’s bathroom at brunch.

*Yes, I did pass out on my friend’s hardwood floor after brunch while everyone else partied, grilled out on their rooftop patio, and probably considered whether or not I was going to have to go to the hospital.

*Yes, I did pretend to care about some woman’s dog while riding with them in an elevator, then flip her and the dog off when she turned her head. Apparently, I also told Kay I would shoot her cats. (This may or may not have something to do with why she was offended by me)

*Yes, I did nearly die on Sunday, and wasn’t able to eat solids comfortably until around 6:30 pm. (I’m sorry, Shake Shack meal that I had to leave behind after sitting in there for nearly two hours, alternating in between trying to eat you, and trying to puke. RIP, ShackBurger + cheese fries.)

*Yes, I did come home with zero pictures of my friends (except for the ones people texted to me), but with eight pictures of food and drinks. Eight.

*Yes, I did follow this man’s instructions.

*And yes, I did buy the $8 Southwest wifi on my flight home, solely so I could see Kim’s Met Ball dress reveal.

-Beverly