Drunkle Gives Me a Chuckle

Picture it: Sunday morning, and Bev is putzing around her apartment, getting ready to head to a coffee shop to do some Bevvin’ (aka, actually write some posts). My phone starts ringing, which is odd in the first place. (#TextMeMan) Then I see that, not only is my phone, ringing, but it’s my drunkle, Newt, calling. Now, I’m pretty sure that Newt has literally never called me and my curiosity forced me to answer the call. He quickly hung up and I assumed the call was accidental. 

Until he called back about forty one seconds later. I picked up again. Following conversation ensues.

“Hello?”
“Hello?!?!?”
“Hello?”
short pause
“Bev?”
“Yes.”
“Well, how are ya?”
“I’m good… how are you?”
“Well, I’m hungover and I have no idea how I called you.”
“Oh, OK.”
“I’m glad I did, though- it’s good to talk to ya!”
“Yeah, me too!”
“Yeah, Judy and I went out to eat last night at our favorite restaurant last night and they were handing me Remy Martins after dinner.”
“Oh, Jesus.”
“Yeah, so now I’m peein’ and I guess I called you.”
“Oh, Jesus.”
“Yep, I’m gettin’ ready to get into my jacuzzi tub here and Judy’s gonna bring me my coffee. You wanna say hi to her?”
“Sure.”

*muffled background conversation*
“You wanna say hi to Bev? I guess I called her.”
(very surprised/confused voice) “Who?”
“Bev.”
“Oh! OK!”

“Hi, sweetie!”
“Hi, Aunt Judy.”
“Newt accidentally called ya, huh?”
“Sure did.”
“Yeah, he’s gettin’ ready to get in the tub.”
“Oh, yeah, I’ve got a helluva visual here.”
“Yeah, and he can’t walk without shoes [literally not sure what she means by this], so he’s got on his white sneakers.”
“Oh boy.”
“Yeah, we better go, I’ve got his coffee here.”
“Yeah, sounds good. Talk to you guys later.”

So, I’m pretty sure my nude drunk uncle butt-dialed me this morning.

I don’t know either.

-Bev

P.S.- if you want some more background on Uncle Newt, you might remember this post where good ol’ Newt solved all our family problems by placing a banana on the floor where there was a wrinkle in a rug that was making everyone trip. Again, I don’t know either.

P.P.S.- I’m not at the dog coffee shop. I’m at a much better one. Not only do they have almond flavoring for lattes, they have sugar-free almond flavoring for lattes, but…