F.A.F. (Yes, you read that right)

Just imagine my surprise when I was casually scrolling through my friends’ Snap stories last weekend when I came upon cousin Bessie’s story- of donkeys strolling into my high school gym.

Asses. On the gym floor.

LITERAL donkeys in the gym.

I immediately contacted Bess for the details and, turns out there’s a company that rents out donkeys to come and play basketball as a fundraiser. I tried to rewrite that sentence like six times to make it make more sense, but it’s not possible to make that sentence make sense.

Bessie’s husband, Alfred, is the athletic director at my former high school, so he and some other staff members participated in the absolute MADNESS that is apparently called Donkey Ball.

Now, I (quite literally) don’t really even know what else to say, so, just… check these out. Like, if you do anything today, watch these videos.

Alfred’s entrance. He’s at the end there. You’ll be able to tell which one he is because his donkey shits all over the gym floor.

The video obviously showcases a missed shot. But…please note the dude on the left trying to mount dat ass.

My favorite part of this video? Bessie giggling in the background and the random brown donkey tied to the bleachers in the upper right.

 

https://vimeo.com/manage/372540376/general

Seems like this guy should’ve made this one…

In the video below, your attention will be drawn to the guy in the blue who nearly gets bucked off dat ass as Donkey Ball quickly segues to Donkey Rodeo. But please watch this video for a second time and watch the slow struggle of the man in pink on the left of the screen. Possibly my favorite two seconds of Donkey Ball.

Oh God, I can never top this F.A.F. y’all.

-Beverly “That’s My Hometown” Goldenstein

P.S. Please go watch the slow struggle of that man in the pink. (Also, there’s another really funny video that I can’t edit correctly to conceal Alfred’s [and my hometown’s] identity. If you can’t get enough Donkey Ball, shoot me a text and I’ll send it your way.)