Cheese Ball Crawl

Some of my most popular posts here involve telling stories of Mayberry and the completely arbitrary but oh-so-amusing stories of Mayberrians and their shenanigans. I decided I wanted to take a tour of some of the small towns in the Mayberry area and document them for you all. I knew I would need a driver for this excursion so that I could hit those camera angles just right, and Maude quickly agreed to chauffeur. Cousin Bessie wanted in on the action, and we decided we’d turn this business trip into an opportunity to rate the cheese balls in the area as well.

Thus, the Cheese Ball Crawl was born.

The date was set.

July 28, 2018.

Yes, nearly three years ago.

Lay off me, OK? I’VE BEEN WORKING ON THESE POSTS FOR THREE YEARS. YOU CAN COMPLAIN WHEN YOU PAY FOR THE CONTENT, OK? OK. Just kidding, guys. That was mean, and I love nothing more than my audience (my BevHive), but life comes at ya fast, right? I mean, it’s not like I’ve been sitting on my ass on my couch alone for the past fourteen months or anything. (Dear God, what have I done with the past year of my life? Oh, I gained 800 pounds and looked at Instagram, that’s what.)

Anyway, the Cheese Ball Crawl plan was in place, and Maude, Bessie, and I were set to head out from “coffee” at Aunt Zelda’s that Saturday morning. (You’ll read more about coffee in the heartland in the first post of the series next weekend. Aunt Zelda has a standing Saturday morning coffee, complete with some type of pastry- or a breakfast pizza if she knows Bev will attend.)

As we wrapped up coffee at Aunt Zelda’s, she inquired about our plan. Remember, our plan was to drive around, eat cheese balls, and take funny pictures of small towns. I extended an invitation to Aunt Zelda and she accepted before she could put her teeth in.¹

The quartet was set, baby. We peeled out of Aunt Zelda’s driveway, hellbent for election. OK, not really. Maude was driving and Maude doesn’t really live on the edge like that. I mean, I didn’t even ask her if we could drink mimosas in the car for the Cheese Ball Crawl because I already knew her answer wasn’t the one I wanted to hear. (Yes, we’re biological sisters. Yes, one of us is much smarter than the other. Yes, Smoke and MamaG have a favorite.)

You’ll see the fruits of the labor of the Cheese Ball Crawl here for the next nine weeks- eight small town tours + one bonus pop machine edition. 

-Beverly “Jump In and Hang On” Goldenstein

¹Just kidding, guys. She puts her teeth in before coffee.