Bev Returns with Bern(ie)

If you didn’t see my Insta posts this week, there has been a little action on the farmsteads in Mayberry this week in the form of stowaway cats. If you know me and/or if you’ve read here for a while, you know that the tale of runaway barn cats is one as old as time. They will jump up into the hood of your car and hitch a ride to any and everywhere, and you can read some of my favorite cat stories in the old “Frightening Feline Friday” series- a true gem from the blog’s past.

Like this story from when the neighbor cat got locked in the garage when I was babysitting.

Or this one when, again, Bev was babysitting and let a stray cat in the house.

You can catch Keith’s favorite Bev Cat story here.

Relive the time Gertrude and Bev had to transport a live cat in a cardboard box here.

You can find the likely root of Bev’s cat hatred and fear here.

Oh, remember when a cat got loose on the jetway when Bev was boarding her flight? That shitshow can be found here.

And, for good measure, you can check out the old stories of the world’s most terrifying cat, Mowgli, here.

Now, back to the task at hand: the most recent stowaway saga comes from Timmy and Keith (the same folks who brought us Mowgli- shudder) and their current cat Bernie. Let’s just be clear that Timmy hates Bernie and the other cats that Uncle Bart just randomly dropped off at their farm place a few years ago (I would literally kill someone who did that to me, but that’s neither here nor there) and Timmy only puts up with the cats because his children love them. I think there’s another cat on the Timmy and Keith roster at the moment, but remembering the names of cats I don’t know (and actively try to avoid) just ain’t a priority, y’all. Anyway, the other cat doesn’t matter here, as Bernie is the star of this show. The show where she climbed up into the hood of Timmy’s car and rode the 20-ish miles from Timmy and Keith’s farm to the small city of Crystal Lake, where Timmy discovered his little stowaway and had to bring her into his pediatrics office until Alfred could come pick her up. Then Bernie had to spend the day in Alfred and Bessie’s garage until Timmy was off work and could pick her back up again. I’m willing to bet he made her ride home under the hood too.

It’s worth noting that, last I heard, the cat was hiding in the garage and, as this issue goes to print, I have not received a Bernie update.

It’s also worth noting that Bernie is apparently quite adept at hiding and has made at least one appearance on the Mayberry Facebook page.

This was a few months ago and that comment asking for the DM is Keith.

Oh, the Mayberry Facebook page. Stay tuned for another little gold nugget from that tomorrow…

-Beverly “Why do I have 7 terrifying cat stories?” Goldenstein