It Happened One Night

What happened, you ask?

I became the old crotch at Target. 

Remember when you were in middle/high school, and you went to Target and acted like a total asshole? And there were a bunch of old crotches glaring at you and rolling their eyes? Well, I’ve transitioned. Call me Caitlyn, people.

Like, get out of my way, you little assholes. It’s 7:30, and I need to buy an ice scraper and these pajamas pants that are $6 on clearance. Then I need to go home, take a shower, put on said pajama pants, and go to bed, for the love of Christ. And stop pushing each other around in carts, or I will beat you silly with my new ice scraper. 

So, I’m slightly uncomfortable with my old crotch status, but man, I’m happy to not be an obnoxious tween. (I’m just an obnoxious thirtysomething…)

There was also a pretty epic moment when I asked a red and khaki clad person where said scraper would be located. He responded E30, and I was like, “Oh, not E40?” Dude was like, “There is no E40,” and I walked away mumbling, “Oh, there’s an E-40, all right.”

YouTube credit: xxpnoyjestrxx

Anyways, I’m going to bed now so I can get up for my 7:15 gym class. I’m curious as to whether I’ll need to use my new scraper or not. And to think, by the time you guys read this, I’ll already have the answer to that question. #riveting

-BG