Who’s Who

Bev: Bev is the author, founder, owner, and chief administrator of www.beverlygoldenstein.com. Bev chooses to keep her identity (and therefore, location and day job) a secret until this blog gets sponsored by Coors Light and she can post a pic of herself drinking one, holding a sign that says, “Suck it, ______” [insert the name of current employer here]. In her spare time, Bev enjoys drinking Coors Light, white wine (namely Sauvignon Blanc, Pinot Grigio, and Chardonnay- in that order. You can pass me with that Moscato-type sweet stuff), and champagne. Bev doesn’t enjoy nature, and so you’ll normally find her enjoying one of her chosen beverages indoors, near modern plumbing and air conditioning. One of Bev’s first posts on the blog was a biography of herself, which you can read here. Most of all, Bev hopes you enjoy coming to this site. Whether you’re a daily checker-inner, a first-timer, or someone who only checks in when they’re bored AF and hungover- thanks for coming. I hope you’ll be back.

Smoke: Smoke Goldenstein is Bev’s dad, and the clear front runner for the star of this blog. You can read the best bio of Smokey G (here), but it should be known that Smoke has actually quit smoking (congrats, Smoke!). The nickname will never die, though. Phew.

MamaG: Smoke might be the star of the show, but let me tell ya one thing: MamaG runs the show. When MamaG says “Jump,” you’ll find Smoke, Bev, Maude, and any surrounding family members saluting and asking in unison, “How high?” Just kidding, but only kind of. MamaG most definitely keeps the Goldenstein operation running smoothly, and if it weren’t for her, Smoke would be living off of Frosted Flakes, Oreos, and canned tuna, so hats off to MamaG! Oh, and if you ever meet her and want to impress her, buy her a Manhattan. Southern Comfort, not bourbon.

Maude: Maude is Bev’s older sister, and in many ways, they couldn’t be more different. Maude has possibly never been drunk in her life (this is not a drill), and when she does imbibe, the sweeter, the better. That Riesling and Moscato Bev passed up? Maude’ll drink it. The Mango Smirnoff Ices that have been in Bev’s fridge for nearly a year? Left by Maude. Maude is also, like, responsible and stuff. Like, I bet Maude has never had a $38 overdue fine at the public library (neither have I, Smoke and MamaG- just using an example here…) However, in many, many ways, Bev and Maude also couldn’t be more similar. They both know that Kenny Rogers is a dirty old man, and they never want to be camp counselors. (I know that none of you know what that statement means, but I can guarantee you that Maude just spit out her sugarwine.)

Jasper: Jasper married into the Goldenstein family nearly fifteen years ago, so while he wasn’t born into the craziness, he’s pretty used to it by now. He normally sits back and lets the Goldensteins/Pages run the show, like we are all used to doing. Like Bev, he is a big fan of The Big Lebowski. Unlike Bev, he dabbles in preaching. Like, at churches.

Family Tree

Many of you have asked for some more information on the ol’ Goldenstein/Page clan, and I thought a visual might help. More bios will be added, but for now, I wanted to at least include a little more insight. I would like to add here that, while creating this, I realized that family trees are one of those things that you think you understand until you try to… make one. See explanations below.

OK… the “immediate family” is in middle in black. Maude and Jasper’s and Bev’s precious babies are in purple. Smoke and MamaG’s siblings are in red with their spouses in blue… Bev’s blood cousins are in green with their spouses in blue. Cousins’ children aren’t included. I ran out of room…and colors. (close-ups below- apologize in advance to those of you on the edges who got a bit smushed)

Now, this one isn’t technically a “family tree” but it kind of might as well be. This weird-ass diagram that I made explains (sorta?) the relationship between my best friends from high school and our families. Note: All of the parents in dark green graduated together. Yes, that’s 4/8. Half of our parents graduated together. There are no secrets, man.